2011-07-31

So today was Vic's bbq party in celebration of him getting the engineering job. He was the one who organized the whole thing and bought the food and stuff. The people who came were me, Maggie, Nancy, Fei, Xin, Leyda, his gf and friends, Lucy, her bf, Val, Simon, Nelson, his gf or friend, William (Leyda's little bro), and his friend. So there were quite a few people. It was fun, although I only ate a chicken wing and hot dog because the food was oily.

I also got my chance to apologize to Maggie and she accepted but she's just waiting to see if I really did change. Since it took Vic almost a year to see the changes, I told her that it might take her a year too. I think she's willing to wait. In the meantime, I will show her that I changed, that I'm not as immature as before. I believe that I've grown up quite a bit and I really need to show it to the people who are close to me. I think it's time for them to finally be around a more mature Jana.

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So how was it seeing Leyda again after talking to him all this time? My eyes have been deprived of hot looking guys. Lolz. I know what it meant to like him and I know what the result was going to be. He has a gf and they have a stable relationship. I saw it today and I'm actually happy for him. In the past, I would have been hating on the gf and wishing for a miracle that will separate them. But that's the past me. The new me isn't jealous at all. Even I think it'll be stupid of him to break up with his gf for me. In an evolutionary perspective, his gf is a better mate. You want to pass on good genes and she's pretty. But I'm taller. ^_^ Just saying.

But I still like him and I like him even more after seeing him wearing that black tank top. He had a black T-shirt on when he came but he took it off when I wasn't looking and when I saw him in his tank, I was like O.O. It was really a jaw-dropping moment. Yes, his body was WOW. In a good way. Sigh. That made me like him even more since he had the body type I like. Unfortunately, his gf also had a good body. T.T I mean, fortunately. >.< William came without a shirt on and sigh. I got distracted by those two bros the whole time. Tsk. I have been majorly deprived of hot looking bods for a long time. Well, I do see nice looking ones when I go jogging but they're not Leyda; they're not people I can like. Then again, Leyda should be one of those people too. >.>

So basically, I like him even more now but it's just that. I know what the consequences are and I'm determined not to go depressed on my friends for that. I know it's impossible for us to be together and even so, I still like him. It's been like a month and a half already? It's okay. It's not that bad. I'll end up probably giving up on my own but for now, heeheehee. I'm okay where I am. And it's nice to finally like a guy who should be liked. :)


We went to Vic's place to drop the stuff off and when we parted, everyone was walking towards the opposite direction of me. I was walking alone back and Maggie was asking Vic if he could walk me back but I knew the neighborhood so I told him not to. As I was walking back, I realized why I didn't feel as afraid as before. In this world, I'm invisible. In my neighborhood, it's the same. Unless I speak out, nobody notices me. Unless I act out, nobody notices me. That's why I'm not afraid. I guess being invisible has a good thing to it. ^_^

Time to go back to my life now.