2011-09-03
♥ It's over...
Yesterday, I finally received a phone call from the HR guy over at MSK. I have an appointment for a physical and a pre-employment processing on Wednesday! Also, he said that my orientation will last 2 days, on the 12th and 13th. So I'm excited. My mom wanted to know if I was going to be paid those two days. -_-" How does she expect me to ask that? I was so happy. That night, I went out to a bar with Vic, Fei, and Leyda. Val, Lucy, and Suki were there too. Anyway, I had too much to drink and really don't remember much about the night. In fact, I'd rather have it that way. For me, drinking that much is to drive away my bad luck, although I haven't recovered much yet. I'm having the worst hangover ever and because of that, I swear I'm never going to drink again. I have no more reasons to because I've already driven my bad luck away!
Starting from tomorrow (because I'm dying right now), I will focus on my career and school. No more crying about my miserable life and how I want it to be this way or that way. I'm going to start doing my best to become independent. I don't know if this is the reason but living with my parents is making me suffer more and so I'm working on saving enough money to move out on my own or with a friend.
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Yesterday night was also the time to start driving away my feelings for Leyda. It's about time I give up and focus more on myself, my family, and my friends. No point in continuing to fantasize about a love that will never be, right? He did look good yesterday, even though he was dressing so formal. Lolz. I'm glad that I was able to see him yesterday. I think it'll help me start moving on.
The thing about life is that it's full of mystery and surprises. I never once thought that my past crush for Leyda would ever resurrect again but it did. For about a little more than 2 months, I've liked this guy because he's such an amazing dork, whose ambitions are stronger and higher than anyone I know. His goals and his intellect were what attracted me the most. His sarcastic, witty nature was something I had to deal with and over time, it become something I liked and wished I had. His influence was big on me because since I started talking to him again, I started to take my health more seriously and I started to dream even bigger. Whereas before I would have never dreamed of actually being able to go to places I wanted to, now I dream of going to England and traveling all of Europe, then skipping over to Australia and Hawaii. Because of him, I'm also trying my best to not be bounded by what Cancers are normally known for: being emotional and nurturing and homely. I want to be more adventurous and explore the world. I want to see the world in the way he does. I want to be more positive and outgoing. I don't want to be trapped here, just worrying about finding enough money to live. I want to live a life that's fun and wonderful. :) I don't want to be an emotional burden to anyone anymore; I want to think more logically about things and not having to use my emotions to guide me.
In this short span of time of liking him, I learned a lot. Thanks to him, I'm able to gain another perspective.
So let's hope this horrible hangover will be gone soon because I can't take it anymore. T.T I also feel sorry for Vic because I'm pretty sure he got into trouble because of me. Apparently, the shit that I have been dealing with was a lot more deeper than I thought. I guess I didn't know how deep they were until I was sitting across from Vic at a McDonald's, crying my heart out. Just even thinking about it makes me want to cry even more. I didn't know how heavy of a burden I was carrying for my family. I don't remember what I told him but I know the content. I was just so sad and in so much pain. I guess liking Leyda wasn't as big of a problem as I thought. I don't even think I mentioned him at all in the convo.
Don't mistaken me. I love my family...but sometimes, being the oldest first-generation Chinese-American can take a huge toll on someone like me. My parents and bro rely on me a lot and although that kind of makes me feel important, sometimes I just can't do the things they ask and it makes me feel really bad. But I do love my family. If anything bad were to happen, I just can't imagine living without them.
Starting from tomorrow (because I'm dying right now), I will focus on my career and school. No more crying about my miserable life and how I want it to be this way or that way. I'm going to start doing my best to become independent. I don't know if this is the reason but living with my parents is making me suffer more and so I'm working on saving enough money to move out on my own or with a friend.
READ MORE...-->
Yesterday night was also the time to start driving away my feelings for Leyda. It's about time I give up and focus more on myself, my family, and my friends. No point in continuing to fantasize about a love that will never be, right? He did look good yesterday, even though he was dressing so formal. Lolz. I'm glad that I was able to see him yesterday. I think it'll help me start moving on.
The thing about life is that it's full of mystery and surprises. I never once thought that my past crush for Leyda would ever resurrect again but it did. For about a little more than 2 months, I've liked this guy because he's such an amazing dork, whose ambitions are stronger and higher than anyone I know. His goals and his intellect were what attracted me the most. His sarcastic, witty nature was something I had to deal with and over time, it become something I liked and wished I had. His influence was big on me because since I started talking to him again, I started to take my health more seriously and I started to dream even bigger. Whereas before I would have never dreamed of actually being able to go to places I wanted to, now I dream of going to England and traveling all of Europe, then skipping over to Australia and Hawaii. Because of him, I'm also trying my best to not be bounded by what Cancers are normally known for: being emotional and nurturing and homely. I want to be more adventurous and explore the world. I want to see the world in the way he does. I want to be more positive and outgoing. I don't want to be trapped here, just worrying about finding enough money to live. I want to live a life that's fun and wonderful. :) I don't want to be an emotional burden to anyone anymore; I want to think more logically about things and not having to use my emotions to guide me.
In this short span of time of liking him, I learned a lot. Thanks to him, I'm able to gain another perspective.
So let's hope this horrible hangover will be gone soon because I can't take it anymore. T.T I also feel sorry for Vic because I'm pretty sure he got into trouble because of me. Apparently, the shit that I have been dealing with was a lot more deeper than I thought. I guess I didn't know how deep they were until I was sitting across from Vic at a McDonald's, crying my heart out. Just even thinking about it makes me want to cry even more. I didn't know how heavy of a burden I was carrying for my family. I don't remember what I told him but I know the content. I was just so sad and in so much pain. I guess liking Leyda wasn't as big of a problem as I thought. I don't even think I mentioned him at all in the convo.
Don't mistaken me. I love my family...but sometimes, being the oldest first-generation Chinese-American can take a huge toll on someone like me. My parents and bro rely on me a lot and although that kind of makes me feel important, sometimes I just can't do the things they ask and it makes me feel really bad. But I do love my family. If anything bad were to happen, I just can't imagine living without them.
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