2011-09-13
♥ Roller coaster
Yeseterday and today, I had my orientation for new employees. Tomorrow, I will have the orientation for my department. I'm guessing that's when I finally get to use a computer to get my login ID and password for the company. Although I haven't started working yet, however, I already am loving it. The benefits are great and I can't wait to use them! I can't yet because I don't have my login ID or password...For the past two days, I had to interact with other new employees and I did not fail myself; I totally was like a crab there. I really wasn't outgoing or social and I showed not much initiative unless I was forced to. ><" How am I going to survive? I realized that at home, with friends, and at a work environment, I have different personalities. I was hoping to be more gregarious...but I wasn't much. I keep disappointing myself...Then again, I don't think I'll see them again.
Victor's birthday is coming up soon and he told me to plan a dinner. I'm pretty sure I said a few days ago that I will never plan something like this again. Good thing it's not a large group I have to plan for. READ MORE BELOW...I invited Leyda, hoping that he'll come since it's Vic's bday. But he has to go to a friend's party. I'm sure he's not doing this on purpose but...I didn't get to see him much. I mean, when we went to the bar, I didn't look at him much because I know if I do that, then he'll know that I kind of like him. If I knew this was going to happen, I would have watched him more. I had two opportunities to see him but they end up being no-no's. One was when I wanted to have dinner for getting a job but he had an exam to study for. Now, Vic's bday. It seemed like he was upset that Vic doesn't plan things on his own bday...or maybe I'm reading too much into it. Whatever the case, another opportunity lost for me.
I was also thinking of my reaction now. I mean, if I was his gf, would I still react this way...or worse? After that thought, my mind suddenly reverted to its logical state. Since he wants a gf that would give him his freedom/independence (and apparently, the horoscope says that same thiing), I have to be less upset by these things. Of course, I'm not his gf but it's still a learning experience for my future bf. I mean, what if he turns out to be like him...or another Aquarius? Which is like the same because they both like adventure and independence. So although it's fun to think of myself as his gf, I know it's just a thought, but then if I had a bf like him, then I'll know how to deal with the emotions. Then again, will I ever have a bf again? Will I go through the same crap I did last two relationships?
Anyway, although Vic's a mutual friend of ours, I can't even ask him questions about Leyda. It sucks because I want to know more about Leyda. All I know is his online personality and that doesn't say much. Although I had given up hope of him liking me, I still like him...a lot. It's also been about 3 months now. I did like a guy before for like 1.5yrs? So I consider it short...but frustrating. Not with him but with the whole situation and with me. I really want to say to him, "I love you, you stupid." Ha, that's funny. I don't know. Fei said he thinks it's love coz I've been having a one-sided crush on this guy for 3 months already. But love is a two-way street you know? It takes one to like, two to love. That's how I think of it.
By the way, Fei is mad at me and I thought it was because I gave him a horrible attitude due to me reading something incorrectly but Vic said it was because of a comment I made at a Japanese market we went to on my celebratory dinner day. I don't remember though. I've been trying to talk to him but he wouldn't respond. It makes me feel bad because that night I wasn't in a chirpy mood and I was tired. Add negative thinking to that and you get a bad Jana. I hope he'll come around soon and we could have dinner with Vic together.
Victor's birthday is coming up soon and he told me to plan a dinner. I'm pretty sure I said a few days ago that I will never plan something like this again. Good thing it's not a large group I have to plan for. READ MORE BELOW...I invited Leyda, hoping that he'll come since it's Vic's bday. But he has to go to a friend's party. I'm sure he's not doing this on purpose but...I didn't get to see him much. I mean, when we went to the bar, I didn't look at him much because I know if I do that, then he'll know that I kind of like him. If I knew this was going to happen, I would have watched him more. I had two opportunities to see him but they end up being no-no's. One was when I wanted to have dinner for getting a job but he had an exam to study for. Now, Vic's bday. It seemed like he was upset that Vic doesn't plan things on his own bday...or maybe I'm reading too much into it. Whatever the case, another opportunity lost for me.
I was also thinking of my reaction now. I mean, if I was his gf, would I still react this way...or worse? After that thought, my mind suddenly reverted to its logical state. Since he wants a gf that would give him his freedom/independence (and apparently, the horoscope says that same thiing), I have to be less upset by these things. Of course, I'm not his gf but it's still a learning experience for my future bf. I mean, what if he turns out to be like him...or another Aquarius? Which is like the same because they both like adventure and independence. So although it's fun to think of myself as his gf, I know it's just a thought, but then if I had a bf like him, then I'll know how to deal with the emotions. Then again, will I ever have a bf again? Will I go through the same crap I did last two relationships?
Anyway, although Vic's a mutual friend of ours, I can't even ask him questions about Leyda. It sucks because I want to know more about Leyda. All I know is his online personality and that doesn't say much. Although I had given up hope of him liking me, I still like him...a lot. It's also been about 3 months now. I did like a guy before for like 1.5yrs? So I consider it short...but frustrating. Not with him but with the whole situation and with me. I really want to say to him, "I love you, you stupid." Ha, that's funny. I don't know. Fei said he thinks it's love coz I've been having a one-sided crush on this guy for 3 months already. But love is a two-way street you know? It takes one to like, two to love. That's how I think of it.
By the way, Fei is mad at me and I thought it was because I gave him a horrible attitude due to me reading something incorrectly but Vic said it was because of a comment I made at a Japanese market we went to on my celebratory dinner day. I don't remember though. I've been trying to talk to him but he wouldn't respond. It makes me feel bad because that night I wasn't in a chirpy mood and I was tired. Add negative thinking to that and you get a bad Jana. I hope he'll come around soon and we could have dinner with Vic together.
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