2011-10-19
♥ The Archer
I hate today.
That's how I should always start my entry because most of the time, I'm complaining about something. Today's entry will be filled with complaints and shock!
I started the day cursing at the rain like I do for every rainy day. I went to my 4-hour training session. It wasn't until near the end that I realized I may have another training session to go to after. So I asked the person who was basically in charge. She told me I did I have a training to go to and it was at 2 pm. So it's almost 1pm and I wasn't that hungry so where did I choose to go? To my workplace. I work near Union Square and I was uptown. Long way. So I took the train and was at my workplace for 15 mins before I had to leave again. I had to submit my time sheet and check why I wasn't aware of the 2nd training. Turns out either I forgot it or my computer was stupid. But I didn't even have that training session re-scheduled so that means I must've forgotten. I was 10 mins late and I didn't learn much...So I hate my day, running back and forth in the rain because I wanted to submit my time sheet. I had to make sure I submit it so that I'll get paid next week.
On the bright side, I talked with Greg today. =) He is just sooooooooo good-looking. His eyes are what I like most about him and his smile. Still don't know enough about him to make a more personal judgement but I'm liking whatever I see so far. I asked him to change the water cooler thing and 어머! He did it smoothly. =) Well, he does work out. =D Just thinking about it makes my head go wee! I also found out he has the same birthday as Leyda. Except he's 3 years younger. I mean, can you believe that? It's a huge coinkidink! I mean, two guys that I like who happen to share a birthday? Sigh. Which makes me even more sad. Because they are two people who I'll never get the chance to sleep with--I mean, date. =D
I've been talking to Leyda and the one thing I hate the most about talking to him: I end up liking him more. What happens is usually my feelings have waned a bit and then I start talking to him again and boom! I like him a lot. Like right now. I'm liking him a lot more than Greg. Damn you, Leyda.
Oh and right now, I'm thinking about grad school/med school. Yes, I said med school. Since my gpa makes even me cry, I can't get into any now. But Leyda advised me to go to a grad school, get my gpa up and then go to med school. I'm looking into that and there's so many discipline within biology to choose from. But this time I'll actually take some time to think about which school I want to go to and how much it's going to cost me. Also, which discipline I want to go to. That applies for med school too. I also said I wouldn't grow up to be a doctor but I think helping to save people's lives would make my life more meaningful, don't you think?
That's how I should always start my entry because most of the time, I'm complaining about something. Today's entry will be filled with complaints and shock!
I started the day cursing at the rain like I do for every rainy day. I went to my 4-hour training session. It wasn't until near the end that I realized I may have another training session to go to after. So I asked the person who was basically in charge. She told me I did I have a training to go to and it was at 2 pm. So it's almost 1pm and I wasn't that hungry so where did I choose to go? To my workplace. I work near Union Square and I was uptown. Long way. So I took the train and was at my workplace for 15 mins before I had to leave again. I had to submit my time sheet and check why I wasn't aware of the 2nd training. Turns out either I forgot it or my computer was stupid. But I didn't even have that training session re-scheduled so that means I must've forgotten. I was 10 mins late and I didn't learn much...So I hate my day, running back and forth in the rain because I wanted to submit my time sheet. I had to make sure I submit it so that I'll get paid next week.
On the bright side, I talked with Greg today. =) He is just sooooooooo good-looking. His eyes are what I like most about him and his smile. Still don't know enough about him to make a more personal judgement but I'm liking whatever I see so far. I asked him to change the water cooler thing and 어머! He did it smoothly. =) Well, he does work out. =D Just thinking about it makes my head go wee! I also found out he has the same birthday as Leyda. Except he's 3 years younger. I mean, can you believe that? It's a huge coinkidink! I mean, two guys that I like who happen to share a birthday? Sigh. Which makes me even more sad. Because they are two people who I'll never get the chance to sleep with--I mean, date. =D
I've been talking to Leyda and the one thing I hate the most about talking to him: I end up liking him more. What happens is usually my feelings have waned a bit and then I start talking to him again and boom! I like him a lot. Like right now. I'm liking him a lot more than Greg. Damn you, Leyda.
Oh and right now, I'm thinking about grad school/med school. Yes, I said med school. Since my gpa makes even me cry, I can't get into any now. But Leyda advised me to go to a grad school, get my gpa up and then go to med school. I'm looking into that and there's so many discipline within biology to choose from. But this time I'll actually take some time to think about which school I want to go to and how much it's going to cost me. Also, which discipline I want to go to. That applies for med school too. I also said I wouldn't grow up to be a doctor but I think helping to save people's lives would make my life more meaningful, don't you think?
21:53
2011-10-13
♥ It's raining...
It's not raining yet but it's cloudy outside. The whole day passed in grey. -.- I really hate this type of weather because I become depressed easily. For some time now I haven't been. I've been focusing on doing well in my position and now that a month has passed, I'm getting more confident in my work. I didn't know whether or not to post this because it's really based only on how I feel today and I may regret it tomorrow but tomorrow is going to be raining too so I'm predicting my mood to continue like this. Also, it has to do with Leyda and Greg.
So here it goes...
I feel like I'm stuck again. I mean, yeah, my life finally moved forward a bit but now I'm stuck or at least it feels like that. Maybe it's because I hate waiting or I'm rushing too much. I'm currently happy with my job. I really like it and the people who works there. So I'm not complaining about work. I've been single for more than a year now because I wanted to focus on myself and because I didn't get any opportunity to meet people. Now that I feel a bit more confident about myself, I feel like I'm ready at least for dating. As I've mentioned tons of times, I like Leyda and Greg. More Greg because I see him at work. He's only been working for like 2-3 weeks? So I've known him for just that long and I guess it's not surprising that he doesn't have feelings for me. Heck, he may be dating someone and I wouldn't know. I don't know how you can ask someone if they're dating when you've known them for less than a year so I go on safe topics like school and whatever. But what got me thinking is although I'm only 24 years old and I've got a long life ahead of me, I don't want to be living life alone and not being able to share it with someone. I know, I probably have 10 more years before I seriously freak out about it. Actually, make that 5. But I feel like this is how the rest of my life's going to be. I'm not beautiful or pretty but I'm not hideous so I don't know why guys aren't attracted to me. Also, why is it that I end up liking guys who are so out of my league or so unavailable? Leyda's unavailable because he's got a girl. Greg is probably unavailable because who wouldn't like a guy like him? He's also so out of my league. He's good looking and I'm not. He's not going to be interested in someone who's not pretty and carries an emotional baggage. I just don't like how unfair life is sometimes. Because of my troublesome love life, I can't feel like my life is whole. I can't feel totally happy. I always think to myself, "Why can't a guy like Greg like someone like me?" Sure my thoughts aren't all pure and good but no one thinks 100% good. I'm just totally honest about my feelings. I really wonder sometimes whether my life now is due to something that happened before. I don't think I've ever done anything so atrocious that I have to continue feeling this way. Although I finally conquered one part of my life--that is, my unemployed past--I still feel beaten. People can say that life isn't fair, that we can't always get what we want, but there are people out there who have a good job, a good partner, a good life. Why can't I be one of those people? I started my past 2 relationships feeling insecure and they ended with me feeling even more insecure. My horoscope from yesterday told me to continue believing/hoping and that something good will come and today's told me to not expect good things to happen to me now but that they will come. I'm getting so frustrated because I've been waiting all this time. There's a reason why I stopped believing but continue hoping. It's draining so much of me. I'm really interested in people and I like asking them questions to learn more about them but why is it that no one's ever interested enough in me to ask me questions? I really do feel so unimportant in this world. Besides my friends, of course, who know me from the way I've acted and by the stories we shared, but I really wish that someone I like would actually take an interest in me and would want to know me instead of just judging from my looks (or lack of). I don't mind if they just want to be friends but no one ever takes the time to ask me what music I like, what I like to eat, or even how my week went. The last person who did ask me those questions was Fei who's not talking to me. I mean, really, is it too much to ask? Will I stay single forever and never find that missing part of my life? Will I never experience a total happiness? Will I always have to be envious of other people while I have nothing for other people to envious of? I don't want to always feel like I'm a failure with love. i want to be happy...like 100% happy.
Well, the only amazing thing is that as I was crying while writing this entry, my eye makeup stayed tight to my skin. Well, mostly...
So here it goes...
I feel like I'm stuck again. I mean, yeah, my life finally moved forward a bit but now I'm stuck or at least it feels like that. Maybe it's because I hate waiting or I'm rushing too much. I'm currently happy with my job. I really like it and the people who works there. So I'm not complaining about work. I've been single for more than a year now because I wanted to focus on myself and because I didn't get any opportunity to meet people. Now that I feel a bit more confident about myself, I feel like I'm ready at least for dating. As I've mentioned tons of times, I like Leyda and Greg. More Greg because I see him at work. He's only been working for like 2-3 weeks? So I've known him for just that long and I guess it's not surprising that he doesn't have feelings for me. Heck, he may be dating someone and I wouldn't know. I don't know how you can ask someone if they're dating when you've known them for less than a year so I go on safe topics like school and whatever. But what got me thinking is although I'm only 24 years old and I've got a long life ahead of me, I don't want to be living life alone and not being able to share it with someone. I know, I probably have 10 more years before I seriously freak out about it. Actually, make that 5. But I feel like this is how the rest of my life's going to be. I'm not beautiful or pretty but I'm not hideous so I don't know why guys aren't attracted to me. Also, why is it that I end up liking guys who are so out of my league or so unavailable? Leyda's unavailable because he's got a girl. Greg is probably unavailable because who wouldn't like a guy like him? He's also so out of my league. He's good looking and I'm not. He's not going to be interested in someone who's not pretty and carries an emotional baggage. I just don't like how unfair life is sometimes. Because of my troublesome love life, I can't feel like my life is whole. I can't feel totally happy. I always think to myself, "Why can't a guy like Greg like someone like me?" Sure my thoughts aren't all pure and good but no one thinks 100% good. I'm just totally honest about my feelings. I really wonder sometimes whether my life now is due to something that happened before. I don't think I've ever done anything so atrocious that I have to continue feeling this way. Although I finally conquered one part of my life--that is, my unemployed past--I still feel beaten. People can say that life isn't fair, that we can't always get what we want, but there are people out there who have a good job, a good partner, a good life. Why can't I be one of those people? I started my past 2 relationships feeling insecure and they ended with me feeling even more insecure. My horoscope from yesterday told me to continue believing/hoping and that something good will come and today's told me to not expect good things to happen to me now but that they will come. I'm getting so frustrated because I've been waiting all this time. There's a reason why I stopped believing but continue hoping. It's draining so much of me. I'm really interested in people and I like asking them questions to learn more about them but why is it that no one's ever interested enough in me to ask me questions? I really do feel so unimportant in this world. Besides my friends, of course, who know me from the way I've acted and by the stories we shared, but I really wish that someone I like would actually take an interest in me and would want to know me instead of just judging from my looks (or lack of). I don't mind if they just want to be friends but no one ever takes the time to ask me what music I like, what I like to eat, or even how my week went. The last person who did ask me those questions was Fei who's not talking to me. I mean, really, is it too much to ask? Will I stay single forever and never find that missing part of my life? Will I never experience a total happiness? Will I always have to be envious of other people while I have nothing for other people to envious of? I don't want to always feel like I'm a failure with love. i want to be happy...like 100% happy.
Well, the only amazing thing is that as I was crying while writing this entry, my eye makeup stayed tight to my skin. Well, mostly...
Labels: more
18:27
2011-10-12
♥ One month! Woot woot~
It's been 1 month since I started working at MSK. Woot woot~ Congratulations to moi! :)
As I have mentioned many times, I love my job and I love it even more now that there's a good-looking guy there. :D And I just found out today that he lives near me! Well, close enough anyway. He lives much more closer to my grandma. I was soooooo freaking happy. Lolz.
Okay, so I should stop that...
I saw my paycheck for Friday and I was sobbing. I lost $7...to medical insurance...But I'll be okay. I'll have to get used to it for the next 5 months. I can't wait until I pay off my debt to the federal government. >.> Once I'm done, I get $1000 extra to spend however I want. Or maybe save it. For my laptop. :) Wee! I should also start planning for that. I'm surprised at the amount of patience I have just for that computer. I'm the type that usually buy whatever I want without waiting to save up. I would buy the laptop right away but since I don't have the finance to buy it, I have to wait until I clear my debt. T.T Hoo hoo... But I guess I can count this as a lesson in life.
As I have mentioned many times, I love my job and I love it even more now that there's a good-looking guy there. :D And I just found out today that he lives near me! Well, close enough anyway. He lives much more closer to my grandma. I was soooooo freaking happy. Lolz.
Okay, so I should stop that...
I saw my paycheck for Friday and I was sobbing. I lost $7...to medical insurance...But I'll be okay. I'll have to get used to it for the next 5 months. I can't wait until I pay off my debt to the federal government. >.> Once I'm done, I get $1000 extra to spend however I want. Or maybe save it. For my laptop. :) Wee! I should also start planning for that. I'm surprised at the amount of patience I have just for that computer. I'm the type that usually buy whatever I want without waiting to save up. I would buy the laptop right away but since I don't have the finance to buy it, I have to wait until I clear my debt. T.T Hoo hoo... But I guess I can count this as a lesson in life.
19:04
2011-10-10
♥ Review and a Revelation
So I wasn't planning on writing anything but for the past few days, I kept telling myself to update on something. So I'm just going to do a small, and probably insignificant, update.
I still haven't run out of my Neutrogena eye makeup remover so I haven't tried Sephora's one yet. I'm getting a little frustrated by that. I did not think a 3 oz bottle could last that long. Then again, I don't wear heavy makeup every day. But I have tried Urban Decay's liquid liner in Perversion for a few days and I did try to take pics but unfortunately, you can't see it because I don't draw thick lines. As with all liquid liners, they stay long on your eyelids, even mine. But what I hate about them is when you take them off with eye makeup remover. They crumble and make a huge mess on your eyes. I really, really hate that. As much as I love their staying power, I want to actually try the pencil version instead. I hear good things about them so I'm just going to give them a try when I run out of eyeliners or liquid liners. I also want to complain about the CoverBlast mascara by CoverGirl. Although I really like their waterproof-ness, no amount of oil can take them off. I rather stick with Maybelline because I had them on once when I was crying and they're good. Plus, I miss the blue mascara. I used to buy them because I liked how they looked under light/sun. :D
So...what else??...
OH! I decided to wait until after I buy a MacBook Pro to buy the UD Naked Palette. For a really long time now, I've been wanting to get that laptop and if I buy the palette, I will be $50 short of my goal. Of course, my priority is to pay off my loan debt (which I can't do at the moment since the site is down and their approximate time of re-opening seems to always be off) and then save to get my laptop. My parents are going to help pay off a block of it. At first, I didn't want to accept the help and I wanted to do it all on my own. But then I thought about the amount of interest that will accumulate in the meantime and decided to throw away my pride. So I took up the offer and am waiting not-so patiently for the site to re-open. That way, I will be able to pay off the loan in less than half a year and get my laptop in about half a year, which I will treat as a "Happy End of 6 Months Probation Woo!" present. :D
On Sunday, I woke up around 9 30am, which is the earliest I've ever had to wake up on a weekend without a reason. I went jogging around 11 30am and seriously wondered how people are able to jog at 7 in the morning. My body was angry at me for doing that. But afterwards, I was glad I did because the day got hotter and I didn't trust that it'll cool down enough during the evening. So I took a refreshing shower and did nothing the rest of the day. >.> My life...
Today I went to work and since it's Columbus Day, not all the employees came in so it was pretty quiet. I was so happy to find Greg in his little cubicle. He is so cute! Have I not mentioned that before? =P I found out through my strategic questioning that he's 21 this year and he attends City College on a part-time basis. He haven't chosen his major and he likes to drink. Alcohol, not milk. Then again, maybe he likes milk. But we meant alcohol. I just want to hug him. Or take a pic. I'm still trying to find that good opportunity/excuse to take a pic with him.
Tomorrow, I have another boring CTO training and then I have a more relevant training. I abhor trainings now. I used to think it'll be awesome because I can learn and I still think the same but doing these useless CTO trainings have tired my patience. I hate the days when I have trainings. Roar. I can't wait for Weds to come. Greg will be in and no training! Wee!
I still haven't run out of my Neutrogena eye makeup remover so I haven't tried Sephora's one yet. I'm getting a little frustrated by that. I did not think a 3 oz bottle could last that long. Then again, I don't wear heavy makeup every day. But I have tried Urban Decay's liquid liner in Perversion for a few days and I did try to take pics but unfortunately, you can't see it because I don't draw thick lines. As with all liquid liners, they stay long on your eyelids, even mine. But what I hate about them is when you take them off with eye makeup remover. They crumble and make a huge mess on your eyes. I really, really hate that. As much as I love their staying power, I want to actually try the pencil version instead. I hear good things about them so I'm just going to give them a try when I run out of eyeliners or liquid liners. I also want to complain about the CoverBlast mascara by CoverGirl. Although I really like their waterproof-ness, no amount of oil can take them off. I rather stick with Maybelline because I had them on once when I was crying and they're good. Plus, I miss the blue mascara. I used to buy them because I liked how they looked under light/sun. :D
So...what else??...
OH! I decided to wait until after I buy a MacBook Pro to buy the UD Naked Palette. For a really long time now, I've been wanting to get that laptop and if I buy the palette, I will be $50 short of my goal. Of course, my priority is to pay off my loan debt (which I can't do at the moment since the site is down and their approximate time of re-opening seems to always be off) and then save to get my laptop. My parents are going to help pay off a block of it. At first, I didn't want to accept the help and I wanted to do it all on my own. But then I thought about the amount of interest that will accumulate in the meantime and decided to throw away my pride. So I took up the offer and am waiting not-so patiently for the site to re-open. That way, I will be able to pay off the loan in less than half a year and get my laptop in about half a year, which I will treat as a "Happy End of 6 Months Probation Woo!" present. :D
On Sunday, I woke up around 9 30am, which is the earliest I've ever had to wake up on a weekend without a reason. I went jogging around 11 30am and seriously wondered how people are able to jog at 7 in the morning. My body was angry at me for doing that. But afterwards, I was glad I did because the day got hotter and I didn't trust that it'll cool down enough during the evening. So I took a refreshing shower and did nothing the rest of the day. >.> My life...
Today I went to work and since it's Columbus Day, not all the employees came in so it was pretty quiet. I was so happy to find Greg in his little cubicle. He is so cute! Have I not mentioned that before? =P I found out through my strategic questioning that he's 21 this year and he attends City College on a part-time basis. He haven't chosen his major and he likes to drink. Alcohol, not milk. Then again, maybe he likes milk. But we meant alcohol. I just want to hug him. Or take a pic. I'm still trying to find that good opportunity/excuse to take a pic with him.
Tomorrow, I have another boring CTO training and then I have a more relevant training. I abhor trainings now. I used to think it'll be awesome because I can learn and I still think the same but doing these useless CTO trainings have tired my patience. I hate the days when I have trainings. Roar. I can't wait for Weds to come. Greg will be in and no training! Wee!
22:16
2011-10-06
♥ 내일은...
TGTIF.
Translation: Thank Goodness Tomorrow Is Friday. :D
Today I finally got the courage to speak to the new guy, Greg. Since it's been a week, I thought I was okay with it. I was nervous and sweating but that's normal for me because that's my response to talking to strangers. Really. So I went to his cubicle or whatever you would like to call it and I said, "Hey". As soon as he turned around, my mind went totally blank. Just for a second or so. He is just that good looking. I managed to ask him how his week went and how he was liking his job. I was also able to ask him if he wanted any cookies because one of my co-workers bought some. We talked a bit and then we went back to our desks. I was smiling like a dork. That wasn't because I just talked to him; it was because his face was so yummy. :) After that first day, I couldn't remember his face much. That's how I am. Then I saw it today and it felt like heaven. He had his glasses on and he looked so cute in them :P When I went to wash my cup, I asked him about his schedule and wished him a good weekend. He had his glasses off then and still good looking. Finally. Work got interesting...for like 3 days of the week. Lolz.
The strangest thing is I can't find him on fb. I usually check people out on fb but I could not find him at all. I'm not a stalker or anything but I would like to know him when it makes it uncomfortable to do so at the first meeting. I mean, imagine meeting someone for the first time. You don't know anything about him and you can't overwhelm him with questions. So you go to fb to check him out. Sure, you can't get much through it but trust me, what you see on his fb will tell you a bit about him. But I could not find him at all. I'm pretty sure I have the right last name too. Everyone uses fb!
I still like Leyda though. I'm not a player or anything. I don't even think that qualifies as being a player. =.= But I'm not like Vic who's devoted to one girl at a time (and she's not even his gf). Since I'm single, I should have the right to like whoever I like, right? I like Leyda in a way that's...more deeper? I've known him since childhood so he's not a stranger at all. But Greg's...well, he's white and good looking. A total stranger...a very cute stranger. So the attraction to him is more based on his looks and not his personality. I don't know. Maybe he has a jerky personality but acts polite because it's work. Or maybe he has a nice personality and is exactly how he presented himself to us. :) Guess which one I'm hoping he has.
I love my job. Not only because there's a cute guy there now but because I feel like this position better fits me than the actual RSA position. Plus, the people there are great. I'm just really happy now and I'm a bit scared at the same time. I mean, happiness just doesn't exist in my life for long. Things are actually going well for me and I'm scared that I might make just one tiny mistake and it'll all disappear. All I'm missing really is a loving boyfriend...Yes, I'm eyeing Greg. It's impossible for Leyda and I and me hoping with all my might isn't going to make him and his gf break up. But it's not like I'm saying Greg is an alternative. I hope we can talk more but it's hard because he and I work far apart. T.T Not much chance to talk.
Anyway, tomorrow's Friday and Monday's a holiday but for MSK employees, that's not a legal holiday so we work that day. T.T Understandable. I wonder if Greg will come Monday...
Good night! ><,
Translation: Thank Goodness Tomorrow Is Friday. :D
Today I finally got the courage to speak to the new guy, Greg. Since it's been a week, I thought I was okay with it. I was nervous and sweating but that's normal for me because that's my response to talking to strangers. Really. So I went to his cubicle or whatever you would like to call it and I said, "Hey". As soon as he turned around, my mind went totally blank. Just for a second or so. He is just that good looking. I managed to ask him how his week went and how he was liking his job. I was also able to ask him if he wanted any cookies because one of my co-workers bought some. We talked a bit and then we went back to our desks. I was smiling like a dork. That wasn't because I just talked to him; it was because his face was so yummy. :) After that first day, I couldn't remember his face much. That's how I am. Then I saw it today and it felt like heaven. He had his glasses on and he looked so cute in them :P When I went to wash my cup, I asked him about his schedule and wished him a good weekend. He had his glasses off then and still good looking. Finally. Work got interesting...for like 3 days of the week. Lolz.
The strangest thing is I can't find him on fb. I usually check people out on fb but I could not find him at all. I'm not a stalker or anything but I would like to know him when it makes it uncomfortable to do so at the first meeting. I mean, imagine meeting someone for the first time. You don't know anything about him and you can't overwhelm him with questions. So you go to fb to check him out. Sure, you can't get much through it but trust me, what you see on his fb will tell you a bit about him. But I could not find him at all. I'm pretty sure I have the right last name too. Everyone uses fb!
I still like Leyda though. I'm not a player or anything. I don't even think that qualifies as being a player. =.= But I'm not like Vic who's devoted to one girl at a time (and she's not even his gf). Since I'm single, I should have the right to like whoever I like, right? I like Leyda in a way that's...more deeper? I've known him since childhood so he's not a stranger at all. But Greg's...well, he's white and good looking. A total stranger...a very cute stranger. So the attraction to him is more based on his looks and not his personality. I don't know. Maybe he has a jerky personality but acts polite because it's work. Or maybe he has a nice personality and is exactly how he presented himself to us. :) Guess which one I'm hoping he has.
I love my job. Not only because there's a cute guy there now but because I feel like this position better fits me than the actual RSA position. Plus, the people there are great. I'm just really happy now and I'm a bit scared at the same time. I mean, happiness just doesn't exist in my life for long. Things are actually going well for me and I'm scared that I might make just one tiny mistake and it'll all disappear. All I'm missing really is a loving boyfriend...Yes, I'm eyeing Greg. It's impossible for Leyda and I and me hoping with all my might isn't going to make him and his gf break up. But it's not like I'm saying Greg is an alternative. I hope we can talk more but it's hard because he and I work far apart. T.T Not much chance to talk.
Anyway, tomorrow's Friday and Monday's a holiday but for MSK employees, that's not a legal holiday so we work that day. T.T Understandable. I wonder if Greg will come Monday...
Good night! ><,
23:01
