2012-02-22
♥ My lifetime's last melodrama
Before I go into my entry, I forgot to mention last time that I bought Murad's shampoo and conditioner. I also bought UD's eyeliner in Perversion. I have only used Murad's shampoo and conditioner twice: yesterday and today. So far, I think it's not doing any good to my head...and hair. I'm losing more hair because of the way I'm handling the shampoo and conditioner! I'm just going to use that once a week because it's ridiculous how I have to wait a minute and 3 minutes before I can rinse. The eyeliner...is the same as my jumbo liner. So basically I paid 50% more for the same kind of quality. The problem I have with most liners is that the liner at the end corners of my eyes tend to disappear before midday. I was hoping the UD's 24/7 liners would stay put but it didn't. It disappeared too. -.-" Well, at least now I know.
I've been annoyed the whole day by something. I remember mentioning how I tend to put on a certain "face" when I'm with different people. When I'm with friends, I'm different from how I am with my parents. Same thing goes for meeting new people. When I meet new people, I give off the wrong impression. I don't mean that I put on a bad one (although sometimes that does happen) but I do tend to be a whole lot different from the way I usually am. One of the things I tend to do is come off as nicer than how I really am...and probably a bit sweeter and that's because I'm shy. I am nice...just not as nice as my friends...But yeah. Anyway, I also said that because I keep having these different personalities that I actually no longer know which one is the real me. Today, while I was on the bus on the way home, I realized that maybe that's the real me, not having just one personality. Maybe having all these different "faces" IS the real me. With Maggie, since she has such a mature personality, I came off as immature but I'm not. I mean, I am a bit but I know I'm not totally immature. With my exes, I tend to be more submissive, which in reality, I am so not (just ask my mom). With Chung, I try to appear more happy than I really am. With Victor...well, he knows me the best. I can't really act in front of him but nowadays, I try to appear more happier so that he doesn't have to worry. I worried him too much in the past. The fact that he's still talking to me is what makes him my best bff. Am I actually a weak person or am I stronger than I think I am? Am I a happy person pretending to be sad or a sad person pretending to be happy? Is the world really as bad as it is or am I projecting my own unhappiness onto it? There's a blurry line between what's real and what's not that I confuse myself a lot. I can't tell if the thoughts I have are genuinely mine or it belongs to an alter ego of mine. I just hope one day, I can find a "face" that's the real me. I'm almost losing my mind just thinking about this.
The real reason why I'm writing this entry is so that I can say goodbye. I'm not dying. I have no intentions of doing that...yet. I always believe that I wouldn't live long. It's been a little over 6 months since I started this blog, I think. I realized that a lot of things has happened since. There were a lot of things that I didn't write about, a lot of thoughts left behind in my mind. There were a lot of times when I was stressed by what I wrote and didn't write. Also, throughout the day, my mind is spinning with so many ideas and so many thoughts and writing a blog really doesn't help with that. I was hoping that I can read what I wrote back then but...will that really help? I don't feel like I've changed because of the blog. Therefore, I decided to just stop. If I really need to write out what I have on my mind, I'll just do it the old-fashioned way: writing it in a journal or whatever.
Before I leave, I wanted to post up some pics of myself because this is going to be the last time writing here (and because I need a new fb pic =) ) and under it will be the lyrics to one of Big Bang's new song from their upcoming album "Alive". It's called "Blue" and I love the lyrics. There are two parts or so that I like and I'll highlight them.
I've been annoyed the whole day by something. I remember mentioning how I tend to put on a certain "face" when I'm with different people. When I'm with friends, I'm different from how I am with my parents. Same thing goes for meeting new people. When I meet new people, I give off the wrong impression. I don't mean that I put on a bad one (although sometimes that does happen) but I do tend to be a whole lot different from the way I usually am. One of the things I tend to do is come off as nicer than how I really am...and probably a bit sweeter and that's because I'm shy. I am nice...just not as nice as my friends...But yeah. Anyway, I also said that because I keep having these different personalities that I actually no longer know which one is the real me. Today, while I was on the bus on the way home, I realized that maybe that's the real me, not having just one personality. Maybe having all these different "faces" IS the real me. With Maggie, since she has such a mature personality, I came off as immature but I'm not. I mean, I am a bit but I know I'm not totally immature. With my exes, I tend to be more submissive, which in reality, I am so not (just ask my mom). With Chung, I try to appear more happy than I really am. With Victor...well, he knows me the best. I can't really act in front of him but nowadays, I try to appear more happier so that he doesn't have to worry. I worried him too much in the past. The fact that he's still talking to me is what makes him my best bff. Am I actually a weak person or am I stronger than I think I am? Am I a happy person pretending to be sad or a sad person pretending to be happy? Is the world really as bad as it is or am I projecting my own unhappiness onto it? There's a blurry line between what's real and what's not that I confuse myself a lot. I can't tell if the thoughts I have are genuinely mine or it belongs to an alter ego of mine. I just hope one day, I can find a "face" that's the real me. I'm almost losing my mind just thinking about this.
The real reason why I'm writing this entry is so that I can say goodbye. I'm not dying. I have no intentions of doing that...yet. I always believe that I wouldn't live long. It's been a little over 6 months since I started this blog, I think. I realized that a lot of things has happened since. There were a lot of things that I didn't write about, a lot of thoughts left behind in my mind. There were a lot of times when I was stressed by what I wrote and didn't write. Also, throughout the day, my mind is spinning with so many ideas and so many thoughts and writing a blog really doesn't help with that. I was hoping that I can read what I wrote back then but...will that really help? I don't feel like I've changed because of the blog. Therefore, I decided to just stop. If I really need to write out what I have on my mind, I'll just do it the old-fashioned way: writing it in a journal or whatever.
Before I leave, I wanted to post up some pics of myself because this is going to be the last time writing here (and because I need a new fb pic =) ) and under it will be the lyrics to one of Big Bang's new song from their upcoming album "Alive". It's called "Blue" and I love the lyrics. There are two parts or so that I like and I'll highlight them.
 |
| Unsure of what to do... |
 |
| Hat's off |
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| V-shaped face, yeah~ |
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| 안녕~ 뿅~! |
I am such a cam whore. I haven't taken any selcas in such a long time and I end up taking like 20 pics of myself. >.<" Anyway, here's "Blue" by Big Bang:
겨울이 가고 봄이 찾아오죠 우린 시들고
그리움 속에 맘이 멍들었죠
그리움 속에 맘이 멍들었죠
(I’m singing my blues) 파란 눈물에 파란 슬픔에 길들여져
(I’m singing my blues) 뜬구름에 날려보낸 사랑 oh oh
같은 하늘 다른 곳 너와나 위험하니까 너에게서 떠나주는 거야
님이란 글자에 점하나 비겁하지만 내가 못나 숨는 거야
잔인한 이별은 사랑의 末路(말로) 그 어떤 말도 위로 될 수는 없다고
아마 내 인생의 마지막 멜로 막이 내려오네요 이제
(I’m singing my blues) 뜬구름에 날려보낸 사랑 oh oh
같은 하늘 다른 곳 너와나 위험하니까 너에게서 떠나주는 거야
님이란 글자에 점하나 비겁하지만 내가 못나 숨는 거야
잔인한 이별은 사랑의 末路(말로) 그 어떤 말도 위로 될 수는 없다고
아마 내 인생의 마지막 멜로 막이 내려오네요 이제
태어나서 널 만나고 죽을 만큼 사랑하고
파랗게 물들어 시린 내 마음 눈을 감아도 널 느낄 수 없잖아
파랗게 물들어 시린 내 마음 눈을 감아도 널 느낄 수 없잖아
겨울이 가고 봄이 찾아오죠 우린 시들고
그리움 속에 맘이 멍들었죠
그리움 속에 맘이 멍들었죠
(I’m singing my blues) 파란 눈물에 파란 슬픔에 길들여져
(I’m singing my blues) 뜬구름에 날려보낸 사랑 oh oh
(I’m singing my blues) 뜬구름에 날려보낸 사랑 oh oh
심장이 멎은 것 만 같아 전쟁이 끝나고 그 곳에 얼어 붙은 너와나
내 머릿속 새겨진 Trauma 이 눈물 마르면 촉촉히 기억하리 내 사랑
괴롭지도 외롭지도 않아 행복은 다 혼잣말 그 이상에 복잡한 건 못 참아
대수롭지 아무렇지도 않아 별수없는 방황 사람들은 왔다 간다
내 머릿속 새겨진 Trauma 이 눈물 마르면 촉촉히 기억하리 내 사랑
괴롭지도 외롭지도 않아 행복은 다 혼잣말 그 이상에 복잡한 건 못 참아
대수롭지 아무렇지도 않아 별수없는 방황 사람들은 왔다 간다
태어나서 널 만나고 죽을 만큼 사랑하고
파랗게 물들어 시린 내 마음 너는 떠나도 난 그대로 있잖아
파랗게 물들어 시린 내 마음 너는 떠나도 난 그대로 있잖아
겨울이 가고 봄이 찾아오죠 우린 시들고
그리움 속에 맘이 멍들었죠
그리움 속에 맘이 멍들었죠
오늘도 파란 저 달빛아래에 나 홀로 잠이 들겠죠
꿈속에서도 난 그대를 찾아 헤매이며 이 노래를 불러요
꿈속에서도 난 그대를 찾아 헤매이며 이 노래를 불러요
(I’m singing my blues) 파란 눈물에 파란 슬픔에 길들여져
(I’m singing my blues) 뜬구름에 날려보낸 사랑 oh oh
(I’m singing my blues) 파란 눈물에 파란 슬픔에 길들여져
(I’m singing my blues) 뜬구름에 날려보낸 사랑 oh oh
(I’m singing my blues) 뜬구름에 날려보낸 사랑 oh oh
(I’m singing my blues) 파란 눈물에 파란 슬픔에 길들여져
(I’m singing my blues) 뜬구름에 날려보낸 사랑 oh oh
There you go. And here I go.
21:26
2012-02-21
♥ Wisdom tooth byebye (update)
So I'm writing to update on my wisdom tooth extraction thingiemajigie. My wound closed up the next day. What happened was I put in more effort into plugging that empty spot in the back of my mouth and I left the gauze in there overnight. I woke up several times to check if the gauze slid out and yeah, it did. So I had to keep putting a new one in whenever I felt it came out. I was so relieved when I saw that it stopped bleeding because that means I didn't need to make another trip to the dentist. -.-
Right now, I'm still on antibiotics. The dentist gave me penicillin and it's the first time ever I'm taking that. I know I'm not allergic to any meds and I likely wasn't going to be allergic to this one too but I know that there's a lot of people who are and I was a tiny bit worried. Because I had to bite on that stupid gauze, which was directly over my infection, the swelling became worse and some part of the gum is actually covering my bottom tooth. It's partially covered and it's not backing down...It also spread to the outer side of my tooth. But right now, it looks a lot better. Well, the side part does. The top part is still swollen but not as much as before. Whew! Looks like the penicillin actually works. >.>
I went back to work on Monday and it was horrible because I was soooooooo tired. Vicki and Beth were worried that I may overwork myself and I probably did because I was exhausted. But since I missed two days of work, I was telling myself that I had to at least work through the whole day. Vicki had other ideas and told me to leave early. She made me promise her and Beth, which gives me a big headache because I don't like breaking promises. I didn't want them to worry about me and drive me out of work early. But I didn't want to start some argument and just said I'll leave early. Plus, I was tired anyway. I was falling asleep entering data. So sad. I tried eating chocolate but they didn't help. I ended up leaving at 3 30pm, waited for the damn bus for 10 mins and then went home. I was planning on sleeping early but guess what happened? I had no fucking hot water until 11pm. 11PM!!!! I should be asleep by then! UGH!! So I end up taking that damn shower and sleeping near midnight. I also had to wake up at 5am to take my antibiotics...
Now on to today! I woke up very very unhappy. You can imagine why. However, my phone notified me that it had a software upgrade. So I thought it was a minor phone thing but when it finished doing its stuff, I found out that my phone finally upgrade to Android 2.2! It was running on 2.1 and I was so frustrated by it. I finally have 2.2. Yay!! I was playing around with my phone the entire day. =P Anyway, that's not what I wanted to talk about. I finally saw Nat again and it was when I was coming back to my desk with a fresh cup of water. I had to set it down on a cabinet and rush out to talk to him. Well, I did have something to ask him anyway. We talked for a while and he finally asked me if I wanted to get a drink with him sometime. =) Except I can't drink. =( I told him that and he then asked if I wanted to drink Pepsi or something like that. I said yes. He then asked for my phone, which was charging...and his too so he asked me if I had a fb and I said yes (like who does unless they're anti-fb). He asked for my full name and I should have spelled it out. Nobody can get both my first and last name right. -.-" While one part of my brain keeps telling me that he asked me out, another part keeps telling me that I'm imaging it and that it's just a friendly gesture. I have to mentally hit my head to think properly. But that doesn't mean I couldn't be happy. Whatever it was, I'm glad I finally met someone new. I don't get to meet new people often so it's a win-win. Anyway, I don't know what's going to go on from here. Of course because I'm not a freaking psychic. -.-"
I still stand by on what I said about marriage and kids. It's not like I'm going to be cursed or die or get arrested or something for not wanting to marry and have kids, right? But one thing I'm worried about though is me reverting back to the old me. I'm not fond of the past me and I'm just hoping I don't turn into her again. I want to go forward with not only a positive mind but a confident one too. I don't want to invest myself 100% into someone else because I need some of that for myself. I'm just saying...now that I thought about it. I don't want to be the kind of girl who waits up all night for her guy to come home from hanging out with friends at the bar or obsess over the whereabouts of her bf or who he's hanging with; I want to be cool about that.
Right now, I'm still on antibiotics. The dentist gave me penicillin and it's the first time ever I'm taking that. I know I'm not allergic to any meds and I likely wasn't going to be allergic to this one too but I know that there's a lot of people who are and I was a tiny bit worried. Because I had to bite on that stupid gauze, which was directly over my infection, the swelling became worse and some part of the gum is actually covering my bottom tooth. It's partially covered and it's not backing down...It also spread to the outer side of my tooth. But right now, it looks a lot better. Well, the side part does. The top part is still swollen but not as much as before. Whew! Looks like the penicillin actually works. >.>
I went back to work on Monday and it was horrible because I was soooooooo tired. Vicki and Beth were worried that I may overwork myself and I probably did because I was exhausted. But since I missed two days of work, I was telling myself that I had to at least work through the whole day. Vicki had other ideas and told me to leave early. She made me promise her and Beth, which gives me a big headache because I don't like breaking promises. I didn't want them to worry about me and drive me out of work early. But I didn't want to start some argument and just said I'll leave early. Plus, I was tired anyway. I was falling asleep entering data. So sad. I tried eating chocolate but they didn't help. I ended up leaving at 3 30pm, waited for the damn bus for 10 mins and then went home. I was planning on sleeping early but guess what happened? I had no fucking hot water until 11pm. 11PM!!!! I should be asleep by then! UGH!! So I end up taking that damn shower and sleeping near midnight. I also had to wake up at 5am to take my antibiotics...
Now on to today! I woke up very very unhappy. You can imagine why. However, my phone notified me that it had a software upgrade. So I thought it was a minor phone thing but when it finished doing its stuff, I found out that my phone finally upgrade to Android 2.2! It was running on 2.1 and I was so frustrated by it. I finally have 2.2. Yay!! I was playing around with my phone the entire day. =P Anyway, that's not what I wanted to talk about. I finally saw Nat again and it was when I was coming back to my desk with a fresh cup of water. I had to set it down on a cabinet and rush out to talk to him. Well, I did have something to ask him anyway. We talked for a while and he finally asked me if I wanted to get a drink with him sometime. =) Except I can't drink. =( I told him that and he then asked if I wanted to drink Pepsi or something like that. I said yes. He then asked for my phone, which was charging...and his too so he asked me if I had a fb and I said yes (like who does unless they're anti-fb). He asked for my full name and I should have spelled it out. Nobody can get both my first and last name right. -.-" While one part of my brain keeps telling me that he asked me out, another part keeps telling me that I'm imaging it and that it's just a friendly gesture. I have to mentally hit my head to think properly. But that doesn't mean I couldn't be happy. Whatever it was, I'm glad I finally met someone new. I don't get to meet new people often so it's a win-win. Anyway, I don't know what's going to go on from here. Of course because I'm not a freaking psychic. -.-"
I still stand by on what I said about marriage and kids. It's not like I'm going to be cursed or die or get arrested or something for not wanting to marry and have kids, right? But one thing I'm worried about though is me reverting back to the old me. I'm not fond of the past me and I'm just hoping I don't turn into her again. I want to go forward with not only a positive mind but a confident one too. I don't want to invest myself 100% into someone else because I need some of that for myself. I'm just saying...now that I thought about it. I don't want to be the kind of girl who waits up all night for her guy to come home from hanging out with friends at the bar or obsess over the whereabouts of her bf or who he's hanging with; I want to be cool about that.
20:26
2012-02-17
♥ Oh f my life
So this week has been horrible for me. Not because of that Nat thing. On Weds, I went into work all fine, except for this minor throat problem. By the time I left work, that problem became an infection and guess where the infection decided to take place this time? The same place it did last time when I had to get the oral surgery. That night I had to take Vicodin twice just to sleep. I had to take Thursday off because I didn't eat much or at all after Wednesday afternoon and therefore, lost all kind of energy; I couldn't move much and whatever I tried swallowing just kept wanting to come back up and out. I threw up once and I was just so out of it. Because of that, I couldn't go to the dentist. So I took today off too and finally had enough energy to go to the dentist. This time I went back to the Ct one. He told me to take all my wisdom teeth out and I told him that I only wanted to take the right upper one out because that's the cause of my infection. He injected a lot of analgesic (not sure which one he used but he used a huge needle) and proceeded to pull out the top one...which didn't hurt at all! I was happy about that. I mean, when he said that it was out, I was like, "Really?" but of course I was mumbling since his fingers were still in my mouth. But yeah, it didn't hurt at all.
Afterwards, I went to buy some stuff and went home. Right now, I still feel no pain but I'm still bleeding. Every time I take the gauze out, I take the clot along with it. -.- I'm wondering now when it will stop and yeah, I'm freaking out about it. I mean, why can't my body clot faster? It's the same with like pimples and cuts; every time they bleed, it takes a damn long time for it to heal. There were some moments when I had to put a small bandage over my pimple area just so I can deal with the blood and stuff. Ugh. I don't know how long I'm supposed to leave a gauze in my mouth if the stupid clot keeps coming back out with it. I can't even shower because I'm afraid me moving around too much will make the bleeding start again.
ALSO!! I am freaking hungry!!! I haven't ate since breakfast! I NEED TO EAT!! Or else I'll go through what I went through yesterday, which isn't fun at all!! T.T I hate this. Why did my life come to this again? Stupid me for not taking care of my tooth. I mean, I brush my teeth every day like a normal person but... T.T I don't want to binge on food again. Last time, I went through this restricted diet, I started binging on food after I was able to eat again. Why do I like food so much? T.T I feel really bad about missing two days of work too, especially since Vicki wasn't here yesterday... But I couldn't go at all.
Here goes another 2-3 weeks of not being able to eat whatever I want. T.T
Afterwards, I went to buy some stuff and went home. Right now, I still feel no pain but I'm still bleeding. Every time I take the gauze out, I take the clot along with it. -.- I'm wondering now when it will stop and yeah, I'm freaking out about it. I mean, why can't my body clot faster? It's the same with like pimples and cuts; every time they bleed, it takes a damn long time for it to heal. There were some moments when I had to put a small bandage over my pimple area just so I can deal with the blood and stuff. Ugh. I don't know how long I'm supposed to leave a gauze in my mouth if the stupid clot keeps coming back out with it. I can't even shower because I'm afraid me moving around too much will make the bleeding start again.
ALSO!! I am freaking hungry!!! I haven't ate since breakfast! I NEED TO EAT!! Or else I'll go through what I went through yesterday, which isn't fun at all!! T.T I hate this. Why did my life come to this again? Stupid me for not taking care of my tooth. I mean, I brush my teeth every day like a normal person but... T.T I don't want to binge on food again. Last time, I went through this restricted diet, I started binging on food after I was able to eat again. Why do I like food so much? T.T I feel really bad about missing two days of work too, especially since Vicki wasn't here yesterday... But I couldn't go at all.
Here goes another 2-3 weeks of not being able to eat whatever I want. T.T
19:45
2012-02-14
♥ Sweetness...
Is what today's supposed to be about because it's V-day or Valentine's Day. Why this so-called holiday was created, I don't know. It really serves no purpose. Plus, we don't get the day off from work. That's not my definition of a holiday. Hmph!
So I decided to not do a vlog for this entry. Since nothing much has been happening, I decided to just type out the entry instead. It's probably a bad idea since my nail polish is drying. =P But whatever.
To start off, I want to talk about this guy that works at one of the companies at our floor. His name is Nat (short for Nathaniel). I don't know how old he is but apparently his bday was some day this week. I met him when I just started working for MSK; it was either that week or the week after. As you know, I don't like talking to people and therefore, I don't like initiating conversations. I'm also bad at talking to strangers because my answers tend to be short and it makes it harder for the person to continue the conversation. So of course it was him who initiated the conversation and this is one thing I really hate about myself; I can't get the answers right because I'm always too nervous. -.-" So our first conversation ended rather unsatisfactory for me and the next couple of convos we've had were also rocky. But overall, he seemed to not have a bad impression of me or else he would ignore me right? However, we don't seem to bump into each other that much. I always had this slight fear of bumping into him because I'm afraid I would give stupid answers again. It wasn't that I had a crush on him or anything; my brain just don't function well around strangers. Actually, it may just not function well at all period.
Anyway, last week when I was coming into work, he and I happened to be on the same elevator and we couldn't talk much because there were other people around but when we got off the elevator, we were able to chat a bit like where I lived and where he lived, you know safe topics. After that, we just happened to bump into each other a bit. Since our conversation, I've been...hmm...how to say this? Desiring? Wanting to see him more? Anticipating our next meeting? Of all days to not bump into each other, today just happened to be that day. I mean, I saw him but just for a few seconds and they were at times that made it inconvenient to talk.
Sigh...just when I thought I got over my guy-crushing phase. I don't even know how old that guy is or if he has a gf. Actually, does any of that matter? It's not like he finds me attractive anyway. I mean, if he was born some day this week, that means he's an Aquarius. Seeing as how I've dated 2 Aquariuses in the past, I know that they are pretty social people. Actually, anyone else besides me would be social people. But that's not the point. So maybe he talked to me because he's a social person. He's just being nice and making convos. The problems that I had with Taehwan and Roger were mostly because I was a jealous *cough*bitch*cough*. =_=" So I guess it has nothing to do with him being social. It's me. But I really do hope this past year or so really have changed me for the better. I don't want to go into another relationship being insanely jealous for nothing. I'm not saying that I don't have the confidence to be a better person because I do think I am in a better place right now. But since I haven't been in a relationship since Roger, I don't know how I am when in a relationship. I don't know if I can even say this but I think I'm ready for...oh, it makes me sick to think about it...Or maybe I'm just making up excuses.
If none of this makes any sense, it's probably because I'm typing this while listening to SPICA's "Up N Down". New group. Produced by Hyori. Ooh! Girls. Eh.
I hate to admit this but I do anticipate seeing Nat like sometimes this week? Ah, so today is Valentine's Day and as expected, my co-workers brought treats in. As usual, I grabbed a bit of everything. =P I'm such a piggie. I went out and bought chocolate heart-shaped lollipops and three large bars of chocolates. I gave two lollis to Vicki and Beth. I gave two bars to Kevin and Marina G. They're the closest people at work. I wanted to give the last lolli to Nat but I never had a chance so I just gave it to my mom who gave it back to me because she doesn't eat chocolate. -.-" Vicki gave me this pink heart-shaped soap bar which I don't know if it's for the hands or body. -.-" I should've ask her. This holiday always put me in two different moods; one is uncaring and one is envy. Yeah, I can feel them at different times of the day. I'm not saying I feel both at the same time. I got my mood swings that used to be famous among my friends. Well, kind of. Shawn gave it the term "emotional roller coaster ride", which I shortened to "ERCR".
AH! I gotta go sleep!! Good night! 뿅~!
So I decided to not do a vlog for this entry. Since nothing much has been happening, I decided to just type out the entry instead. It's probably a bad idea since my nail polish is drying. =P But whatever.
To start off, I want to talk about this guy that works at one of the companies at our floor. His name is Nat (short for Nathaniel). I don't know how old he is but apparently his bday was some day this week. I met him when I just started working for MSK; it was either that week or the week after. As you know, I don't like talking to people and therefore, I don't like initiating conversations. I'm also bad at talking to strangers because my answers tend to be short and it makes it harder for the person to continue the conversation. So of course it was him who initiated the conversation and this is one thing I really hate about myself; I can't get the answers right because I'm always too nervous. -.-" So our first conversation ended rather unsatisfactory for me and the next couple of convos we've had were also rocky. But overall, he seemed to not have a bad impression of me or else he would ignore me right? However, we don't seem to bump into each other that much. I always had this slight fear of bumping into him because I'm afraid I would give stupid answers again. It wasn't that I had a crush on him or anything; my brain just don't function well around strangers. Actually, it may just not function well at all period.
Anyway, last week when I was coming into work, he and I happened to be on the same elevator and we couldn't talk much because there were other people around but when we got off the elevator, we were able to chat a bit like where I lived and where he lived, you know safe topics. After that, we just happened to bump into each other a bit. Since our conversation, I've been...hmm...how to say this? Desiring? Wanting to see him more? Anticipating our next meeting? Of all days to not bump into each other, today just happened to be that day. I mean, I saw him but just for a few seconds and they were at times that made it inconvenient to talk.
Sigh...just when I thought I got over my guy-crushing phase. I don't even know how old that guy is or if he has a gf. Actually, does any of that matter? It's not like he finds me attractive anyway. I mean, if he was born some day this week, that means he's an Aquarius. Seeing as how I've dated 2 Aquariuses in the past, I know that they are pretty social people. Actually, anyone else besides me would be social people. But that's not the point. So maybe he talked to me because he's a social person. He's just being nice and making convos. The problems that I had with Taehwan and Roger were mostly because I was a jealous *cough*bitch*cough*. =_=" So I guess it has nothing to do with him being social. It's me. But I really do hope this past year or so really have changed me for the better. I don't want to go into another relationship being insanely jealous for nothing. I'm not saying that I don't have the confidence to be a better person because I do think I am in a better place right now. But since I haven't been in a relationship since Roger, I don't know how I am when in a relationship. I don't know if I can even say this but I think I'm ready for...oh, it makes me sick to think about it...Or maybe I'm just making up excuses.
If none of this makes any sense, it's probably because I'm typing this while listening to SPICA's "Up N Down". New group. Produced by Hyori. Ooh! Girls. Eh.
I hate to admit this but I do anticipate seeing Nat like sometimes this week? Ah, so today is Valentine's Day and as expected, my co-workers brought treats in. As usual, I grabbed a bit of everything. =P I'm such a piggie. I went out and bought chocolate heart-shaped lollipops and three large bars of chocolates. I gave two lollis to Vicki and Beth. I gave two bars to Kevin and Marina G. They're the closest people at work. I wanted to give the last lolli to Nat but I never had a chance so I just gave it to my mom who gave it back to me because she doesn't eat chocolate. -.-" Vicki gave me this pink heart-shaped soap bar which I don't know if it's for the hands or body. -.-" I should've ask her. This holiday always put me in two different moods; one is uncaring and one is envy. Yeah, I can feel them at different times of the day. I'm not saying I feel both at the same time. I got my mood swings that used to be famous among my friends. Well, kind of. Shawn gave it the term "emotional roller coaster ride", which I shortened to "ERCR".
AH! I gotta go sleep!! Good night! 뿅~!
23:01
2012-02-03
♥ Bags and beyond
So like I said, I made the videos unlisted instead of private. Don't know if that makes a difference. I basically talked a little about my bag and wallet and mostly about me...
Here are the pics that I took for my bag and wallet:
 |
| Wallet still wrapped |
 |
| Bag still wrapped |
 |
| Inside of my wallet |
I don't know what happened to the pics I took of my wallet unwrapped. Hmm...
Anyway, I'm going to go finish reading my book now.
22:10
2012-01-29
♥ Makeup showcase
So I did another vlog but this time it was longer than the last *cough*1hour*cough*. I really didn't think I would talk for that long but I did, introducing all the makeup stuff I had. Since I wasn't paying attention to what I was saying, there were some mistakes. You know, I don't have much makeup but I'm surprised that it took me 1 freaking hour to do this. Actually it took longer than that because I recorded a few clip and then I did a 45-min one but I ended up having to scratch all of them because I wasn't satisfied. When I completed the final one, I just gave up. 1 hour is still a lot of time and uploading it was going to be a bitch so I just took it as the final, finished product.
Yes, it's still private.
I basically started reading and I fell asleep on my bed. :P I think I slept for like an hour or so. Should've never started reading on my bed. Anyway, I've just been excited doing these vlogs because they are easier for me to speak my thoughts out and I get a lot more said than I would ever by typing but I'm not going to just rely on them...oh yes I am. Who am I kidding?
My next vlog would probably be me showing off my Coach purchases so I'll see you then.
Yes, it's still private.
I basically started reading and I fell asleep on my bed. :P I think I slept for like an hour or so. Should've never started reading on my bed. Anyway, I've just been excited doing these vlogs because they are easier for me to speak my thoughts out and I get a lot more said than I would ever by typing but I'm not going to just rely on them...oh yes I am. Who am I kidding?
My next vlog would probably be me showing off my Coach purchases so I'll see you then.
18:26
