2011-08-30
♥ Lost cause
So I've mentioned that Hurricane Irene was coming towards us in NYC, right? Well, good news and bad news. Good news is the hurricane didn't do much damage and it wasn't as big of a deal as the mayor and everyone else was making it out to be. The bad news is that the hurricane wasn't as big of a deal as everyone was making it out to be. So anti-climatic. I mean, I'm glad there weren't any big damages but I was pretty pumped up about it. I expected to wake to the hurricane's violent winds but I didn't and slept pretty peacefully. But I did see the damages Irene did to other states and they were pretty horrible. A few people died too. RIP to them.
I'm still waiting for MSK to call. They haven't called and they should have since it's been about a week now. I'm really hoping that it's not because the hr guy made a mistake...again.
READ MORE...--->
So right now, I'm thinking about giving up on Leyda. This is me forcing myself to though, which I said that I wouldn't do because it ends up being even harder but at this rate, I'm going to like him more and be in some depressed hell again. This almost happened yesterday night and I don't want to go there again.
Fei told me that I should change something about myself to make him like me but what difference does it make? Won't I hate myself even more for changing for a guy? If he doesn't like me the way I am right now, he's not going to like me no matter what I change into. He's pretty into his girl and I don't think he's going to fall for another girl while he's still with his girl. He's just not that type. He's very much in love or in like with her and I have no chance.
Of course I didn't have a chance earlier on anyway. Because of this, my desire to start drinking again is more stronger now. Then again, it may be because of Leyda. He was talking about how he wants to get drunk this weekend because he's never been drunk. That brought up the wonderful memories of my drunk days (yeah, I mean wonderful). A guy who likes to drink and wants to get drunk is my type of guy. It made me like him even more. Horrible.
I know that if I stopped talking to him on AIM or missed any events where he's going to, then I'll end up missing him even more. That's why I'm not going down that path.
I really need to decide where and when my celebration lunch/dinner is going to happen. I really should look into it. That's all for now. I feel bad that every time I do an entry, there's always a mention of my complicated love life.
I'm still waiting for MSK to call. They haven't called and they should have since it's been about a week now. I'm really hoping that it's not because the hr guy made a mistake...again.
READ MORE...--->
So right now, I'm thinking about giving up on Leyda. This is me forcing myself to though, which I said that I wouldn't do because it ends up being even harder but at this rate, I'm going to like him more and be in some depressed hell again. This almost happened yesterday night and I don't want to go there again.
Fei told me that I should change something about myself to make him like me but what difference does it make? Won't I hate myself even more for changing for a guy? If he doesn't like me the way I am right now, he's not going to like me no matter what I change into. He's pretty into his girl and I don't think he's going to fall for another girl while he's still with his girl. He's just not that type. He's very much in love or in like with her and I have no chance.
Of course I didn't have a chance earlier on anyway. Because of this, my desire to start drinking again is more stronger now. Then again, it may be because of Leyda. He was talking about how he wants to get drunk this weekend because he's never been drunk. That brought up the wonderful memories of my drunk days (yeah, I mean wonderful). A guy who likes to drink and wants to get drunk is my type of guy. It made me like him even more. Horrible.
I know that if I stopped talking to him on AIM or missed any events where he's going to, then I'll end up missing him even more. That's why I'm not going down that path.
I really need to decide where and when my celebration lunch/dinner is going to happen. I really should look into it. That's all for now. I feel bad that every time I do an entry, there's always a mention of my complicated love life.
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01:53
2011-08-27
♥ [UPDATE] Hurricane Irene
There's a storm brewing...
So these days, all I hear about is Hurricane Irene and to be honest, they scared me. >.< I was deciding all day whether to have my parents and I moved or not (because my brother isn't willing to move) and today, I decided to stay put until later, just to see how things are going. I mean, we always have my grandma's place to stay at. It's an extremely short drive from our apartment. The mayor has put out a mandatory evacuation for Zone A and guess where I live? In Zone A. But I live higher up so I'm not as worried about getting flood. But I'm worried about the winds. I mean, for me, I think it doesn't matter where you go because the winds are going to be the same. So I think if there's no threat of flooding for us who live higher up, we should have a choice of whether to stay or not, right?
Another thing we have to worry about is the power outages and well, water. I mean, I keep hearing that we're gonna have power outages in lower Manhattan and I expect that but what about our water system? Any problems? I need to know if I can poop or pee the next day without it stinking up! Anyway, I'm just waiting to see what happens next. Also, I don't like how the news media is reporting Irene. I really hope it's not as bad as they're making it out to be. Maybe it is or else Bloomberg wouldn't have shut down the MTA and do a mandatory evacuation but then again, Bloomberg did mess up on the snow storm we had a while back and probably over-reacting so that if anything happens, we wouldn't blame him this time. >.>
UPDATE #1:
No, there's nothing yet on this side. All day, it was just grey and I think rain is starting now, with some winds. There are a lot more people staying in my building than I thought. Oh well. I decided we should stay. We got places in this building to hide anyway. :P
READ MORE...-->
But that's not why I'm updating. I'm going to go a little emo here. As the day passed, I felt myself wanting to go out there, by the river. It wasn't because Leyda and his siblings were there (although that's a bonus). It was because I became emo again. Lolz. I think I just wanted to see my heart out there. Once the storm starts, the water will start go crazy. It'll flow with the storm. The water will crash here and there and will be so violent and turbulent...which totally described my feelings now. I wanted to be by the river so that I can somehow synchronize my heart with it.
And no, I have no plan of throwing my body in there. Although I do sometimes think about how nice it would be to do so, but I have no plans of dying soon. Especially since I finally got a job after all that has happened. I really want to feel like my life is finally becoming something after all this time of being absolutely nothing.
The reason why so many disasters are happening is because the earth is sick and I'm heartsick (because of a stupid someone who keeps making me like him and not like him at the same time with his stupid nonsense). The earth has natural disasters and I have emotional disasters. I guess I can relate. :)
So these days, all I hear about is Hurricane Irene and to be honest, they scared me. >.< I was deciding all day whether to have my parents and I moved or not (because my brother isn't willing to move) and today, I decided to stay put until later, just to see how things are going. I mean, we always have my grandma's place to stay at. It's an extremely short drive from our apartment. The mayor has put out a mandatory evacuation for Zone A and guess where I live? In Zone A. But I live higher up so I'm not as worried about getting flood. But I'm worried about the winds. I mean, for me, I think it doesn't matter where you go because the winds are going to be the same. So I think if there's no threat of flooding for us who live higher up, we should have a choice of whether to stay or not, right?
Another thing we have to worry about is the power outages and well, water. I mean, I keep hearing that we're gonna have power outages in lower Manhattan and I expect that but what about our water system? Any problems? I need to know if I can poop or pee the next day without it stinking up! Anyway, I'm just waiting to see what happens next. Also, I don't like how the news media is reporting Irene. I really hope it's not as bad as they're making it out to be. Maybe it is or else Bloomberg wouldn't have shut down the MTA and do a mandatory evacuation but then again, Bloomberg did mess up on the snow storm we had a while back and probably over-reacting so that if anything happens, we wouldn't blame him this time. >.>
UPDATE #1:
No, there's nothing yet on this side. All day, it was just grey and I think rain is starting now, with some winds. There are a lot more people staying in my building than I thought. Oh well. I decided we should stay. We got places in this building to hide anyway. :P
READ MORE...-->
But that's not why I'm updating. I'm going to go a little emo here. As the day passed, I felt myself wanting to go out there, by the river. It wasn't because Leyda and his siblings were there (although that's a bonus). It was because I became emo again. Lolz. I think I just wanted to see my heart out there. Once the storm starts, the water will start go crazy. It'll flow with the storm. The water will crash here and there and will be so violent and turbulent...which totally described my feelings now. I wanted to be by the river so that I can somehow synchronize my heart with it.
And no, I have no plan of throwing my body in there. Although I do sometimes think about how nice it would be to do so, but I have no plans of dying soon. Especially since I finally got a job after all that has happened. I really want to feel like my life is finally becoming something after all this time of being absolutely nothing.
The reason why so many disasters are happening is because the earth is sick and I'm heartsick (because of a stupid someone who keeps making me like him and not like him at the same time with his stupid nonsense). The earth has natural disasters and I have emotional disasters. I guess I can relate. :)
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13:24
2011-08-26
♥ A numbness...
Because of my excitement about finally getting a job at a great company, I forgot to mention something. That same day, we experienced the aftershock of the earthquake that occurred in Virginia. Since I didn't know about that, I was totally in shock and was scared that something was happening in NYC or my building. But later I found out about it and was totally psyched. I mean, I'm still a little scared because we're not like Japan. Japan's building are made for earthquakes; ours aren't. So if there was an earthquake, we die. >.<
After that, I found out that Hurricane Irene is coming. I'm thinking, "Great. This is what we get for destroying Mother Nature." But I hope it isn't as bad as the news are making it out to be. I'm scared that the strong winds are going to blow my building down. >.> Not so much the flood because I live on the freaking 10th floor. Other than the fear of my building being blown down, I'm totally psyched about the hurricane. :) I'm insane, right? But all my life living in NYC, I never experienced something like this.
READ MORE...--->
So yes, here's another update about my feelings for Leyda. Honestly, my feelings are going up and down. There are times when I think that I'm over him and then, they come back. Right now, they're on an up. He talks to me about stock stuff and even though I don't know a thing about them, I still go along with the conversation because I like talking to him. :) But then, on Vic's fb, I saw she made a comment to Leyda's comment and...You know, I keep forgetting that he has a gf and it just hit me then. I don't know why it didn't hit me when I mentioned her to Vic before on the phone. Then as I was talking to Leyda, it hit me even harder.
The thing is I wanted to invite him to the celebration lunch/dinner that I'm going to have in two weeks...but I'm not sure if I should. I asked him if he was busy then but since he didn't really ask why I asked, I just kept to myself. Maybe it'll give me more time to think about it. I mean, even if he did come, so what? We barely spoke the last time I saw him. What's going to change this time? And it's not like his feelings about me are going to change. From what I heard, he was a bit freaked(?) when he found out that I liked him back then. >.> But I do want him there because I want to see him. Plus, who knows when I'll see him again, right? Since I'll be starting work and school, I won't have time to hang out much. Work 5 days a week and school on both weekends. No time to rest.
I'm just afraid that seeing him will make the realization of not being able to have him more clear. Well, maybe it's a good thing then. I mean, I should've realized it. In fact, I do. I guess what I mean is that if I do see him, maybe I'll end up liking him more and feeling more pain. But like I said, I won't be able to hang out much. So should I or should I not?
That's all. I'm just waiting for the Hurricane Irene storm (and the one in my heart) to come and pass.
After that, I found out that Hurricane Irene is coming. I'm thinking, "Great. This is what we get for destroying Mother Nature." But I hope it isn't as bad as the news are making it out to be. I'm scared that the strong winds are going to blow my building down. >.> Not so much the flood because I live on the freaking 10th floor. Other than the fear of my building being blown down, I'm totally psyched about the hurricane. :) I'm insane, right? But all my life living in NYC, I never experienced something like this.
READ MORE...--->
So yes, here's another update about my feelings for Leyda. Honestly, my feelings are going up and down. There are times when I think that I'm over him and then, they come back. Right now, they're on an up. He talks to me about stock stuff and even though I don't know a thing about them, I still go along with the conversation because I like talking to him. :) But then, on Vic's fb, I saw she made a comment to Leyda's comment and...You know, I keep forgetting that he has a gf and it just hit me then. I don't know why it didn't hit me when I mentioned her to Vic before on the phone. Then as I was talking to Leyda, it hit me even harder.
The thing is I wanted to invite him to the celebration lunch/dinner that I'm going to have in two weeks...but I'm not sure if I should. I asked him if he was busy then but since he didn't really ask why I asked, I just kept to myself. Maybe it'll give me more time to think about it. I mean, even if he did come, so what? We barely spoke the last time I saw him. What's going to change this time? And it's not like his feelings about me are going to change. From what I heard, he was a bit freaked(?) when he found out that I liked him back then. >.> But I do want him there because I want to see him. Plus, who knows when I'll see him again, right? Since I'll be starting work and school, I won't have time to hang out much. Work 5 days a week and school on both weekends. No time to rest.
I'm just afraid that seeing him will make the realization of not being able to have him more clear. Well, maybe it's a good thing then. I mean, I should've realized it. In fact, I do. I guess what I mean is that if I do see him, maybe I'll end up liking him more and feeling more pain. But like I said, I won't be able to hang out much. So should I or should I not?
That's all. I'm just waiting for the Hurricane Irene storm (and the one in my heart) to come and pass.
Labels: more
00:45
2011-08-23
♥ Feels like heaven
Today, I woke up to an email of rejection.
Yesterday, I had 3 interviews. I had one with a law firm and two medical offices. I liked two of them and not so much the other. I was told I will receive notification either end of this week or next. Well, I got the rejection email from the law firm. I was kind of down. I mean, since I will be starting paralegal courses next month, I thought working at a law firm will give me exposure to the field. Later at night, I wrote to the HR guy at MSK to ask for a follow-up.
This morning, he replied saying that he checked my references and was waiting to hear back from the interviewer. And at 4 50pm (Eastern time of course), I received a call from him and he told me I got the RSA position! He said that there are paperwork he had to do before I can come in for a physical and orientation. So I won't get to start until mid-September. Still, I'm really excited and I kept asking him if it was true that I got the job. Me! But he said that I did and even congratulated me. Even now, about 4 hours later, I still can't believe it. The pay is wow too, for that position. So I'm happy. I don't even care if it's a boring job. As long as I can get more experience and money. I need to start paying off the loan soon and get my Apple computer! :)
So that's the good news. Best so far. I just hope I don't jinx it though. I hope the HR guy doesn't call back and say it's a mistake. I mean, he did screw up my interview dates twice so...but still, he has been nice to me all this time...and nice voice too. :)
Yesterday, I had 3 interviews. I had one with a law firm and two medical offices. I liked two of them and not so much the other. I was told I will receive notification either end of this week or next. Well, I got the rejection email from the law firm. I was kind of down. I mean, since I will be starting paralegal courses next month, I thought working at a law firm will give me exposure to the field. Later at night, I wrote to the HR guy at MSK to ask for a follow-up.
This morning, he replied saying that he checked my references and was waiting to hear back from the interviewer. And at 4 50pm (Eastern time of course), I received a call from him and he told me I got the RSA position! He said that there are paperwork he had to do before I can come in for a physical and orientation. So I won't get to start until mid-September. Still, I'm really excited and I kept asking him if it was true that I got the job. Me! But he said that I did and even congratulated me. Even now, about 4 hours later, I still can't believe it. The pay is wow too, for that position. So I'm happy. I don't even care if it's a boring job. As long as I can get more experience and money. I need to start paying off the loan soon and get my Apple computer! :)
So that's the good news. Best so far. I just hope I don't jinx it though. I hope the HR guy doesn't call back and say it's a mistake. I mean, he did screw up my interview dates twice so...but still, he has been nice to me all this time...and nice voice too. :)
20:54
2011-08-17
♥ Batch of thoughts and unfocused mind
So this entry will not contain any whining or complaining about my life. Just a bunch of thoughts that I've been having these days.
1. I found out that my middle school best friend (that's back then. now we're just acquaintances) got married and then pregnant. While I'm happy for her, I'm also a bit sad/envious. She's the same age as me and she's already married and having a kid. It makes me wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life. I don't even have a relationship or any history of steady relationships. It makes me wonder if I'll ever get married and have kids.
2. The situation with Leyda is going whee! It's getting more confusing because on days when I don't talk to him, I don't think about him and on days I do talk to him, I like him. Sometimes I wonder if I really do like him. I mean, I like that he's ambitious and goal-orientated but is that the reason for my feelings for him? What are my feelings for him? Do I have any feelings for him? There's also the thing with his gf. So maybe the more I think about that, the less feeling I have for him? Maybe?
3. I am back to square one or whatever that is called. I'm still lost in this world. I have so many things I want and yet, I don't know what I want. Most of those things I want are materialistic. I want a new laptop, UD's Naked Palette, UD's 24/7 Eyeliner in Zero, etc. But those are not necessary...well, except the laptop part. I don't know about my stand on love. Do I believe in it? Do I want to? Or is it just some fabrication of the human emotion? There are times where I feel like I want to be in a relationship and those times are usually when I hear about acquaintances getting married (there are like 3 or 4 of them). Then there are times when I don't want to be in a relationship EVER. That's usually when I see things and think logically about life. I guess I crave a relationship because I see friends who are in them so happy and I'm so lonely. Oh, and kdramas are curses. Damn them!
4. I wonder when am I finally going to get a job. That's the biggest stress I have right now. People tell me that the economy's bad and that many people are getting laid off. But there are still people out there who have jobs and who are getting jobs. So will I be stuck here forever? I feel like such a loser and that's not a good feeling. I should remain optimistic but it's hard, you know. Now, every time I think about my past interviews, I just cringe. I'm an absolutely horrible interviewer. You would think that I would improve each time I go but I don't! I think it's because of the unexpected questions they throw at me. I keep telling myself that I would do better next time but I don't. It makes me so frustrated that I lack so much. Having a Bachelor's is really nothing without experience. It's a joke.
5. I'm the type of person that thinking constantly. Every waking moment, my mind is active. I'm not joking. Most of the time, I'm having conversations with myself because I have no one to talk to. It's non-stop thinking. I think of so many things to write in my blog but I end up not doing so because I'm lazy. I'm pretty sure even when I sleep, I'm still thinking about something. The sad thing is that most of them are so useless.
6. So I guess my final thoughts for this entry (because I will continue having them) are that I will not let myself be down from all these rejections, that I should be more logical now than emotional, and that I live not for other people but for myself. Since I don't like rejections (I mean, who does?), I'm going to have to start getting used to them because I will be getting a lot of rejections or silent ones from many of the jobs I apply to. I can't let that get to me. I can't let that ruin my life and put me into a depression (which I'm beginning to feel because I'm beginning to lose interest in things). I will also become more logical. As much as my heart wants to go loving someone, my mind knows that loving someone isn't necessarily a good thing. It's fatal. Plus, learning from my parents' marriage, I know that spending my whole life with one person isn't going to be some fairy tale; the reality is that there will be so many arguments and so much mistrust because I've never trusted any of my past bfs. Of course, it's because I'm insecure with myself, which is an additional reason why I should never seriously get involved with someone. If I do get involved or married, it will be to secure my future...because I don't believe in love for myself. Lastly, I live for myself. That's something I have to remember. Not for my parents, not for my brother, and not for guys I like. I don't want to change because people want me to; I want to change because I have to in order not to hurt those I love, like my family and friends.
1. I found out that my middle school best friend (that's back then. now we're just acquaintances) got married and then pregnant. While I'm happy for her, I'm also a bit sad/envious. She's the same age as me and she's already married and having a kid. It makes me wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life. I don't even have a relationship or any history of steady relationships. It makes me wonder if I'll ever get married and have kids.
2. The situation with Leyda is going whee! It's getting more confusing because on days when I don't talk to him, I don't think about him and on days I do talk to him, I like him. Sometimes I wonder if I really do like him. I mean, I like that he's ambitious and goal-orientated but is that the reason for my feelings for him? What are my feelings for him? Do I have any feelings for him? There's also the thing with his gf. So maybe the more I think about that, the less feeling I have for him? Maybe?
3. I am back to square one or whatever that is called. I'm still lost in this world. I have so many things I want and yet, I don't know what I want. Most of those things I want are materialistic. I want a new laptop, UD's Naked Palette, UD's 24/7 Eyeliner in Zero, etc. But those are not necessary...well, except the laptop part. I don't know about my stand on love. Do I believe in it? Do I want to? Or is it just some fabrication of the human emotion? There are times where I feel like I want to be in a relationship and those times are usually when I hear about acquaintances getting married (there are like 3 or 4 of them). Then there are times when I don't want to be in a relationship EVER. That's usually when I see things and think logically about life. I guess I crave a relationship because I see friends who are in them so happy and I'm so lonely. Oh, and kdramas are curses. Damn them!
4. I wonder when am I finally going to get a job. That's the biggest stress I have right now. People tell me that the economy's bad and that many people are getting laid off. But there are still people out there who have jobs and who are getting jobs. So will I be stuck here forever? I feel like such a loser and that's not a good feeling. I should remain optimistic but it's hard, you know. Now, every time I think about my past interviews, I just cringe. I'm an absolutely horrible interviewer. You would think that I would improve each time I go but I don't! I think it's because of the unexpected questions they throw at me. I keep telling myself that I would do better next time but I don't. It makes me so frustrated that I lack so much. Having a Bachelor's is really nothing without experience. It's a joke.
5. I'm the type of person that thinking constantly. Every waking moment, my mind is active. I'm not joking. Most of the time, I'm having conversations with myself because I have no one to talk to. It's non-stop thinking. I think of so many things to write in my blog but I end up not doing so because I'm lazy. I'm pretty sure even when I sleep, I'm still thinking about something. The sad thing is that most of them are so useless.
6. So I guess my final thoughts for this entry (because I will continue having them) are that I will not let myself be down from all these rejections, that I should be more logical now than emotional, and that I live not for other people but for myself. Since I don't like rejections (I mean, who does?), I'm going to have to start getting used to them because I will be getting a lot of rejections or silent ones from many of the jobs I apply to. I can't let that get to me. I can't let that ruin my life and put me into a depression (which I'm beginning to feel because I'm beginning to lose interest in things). I will also become more logical. As much as my heart wants to go loving someone, my mind knows that loving someone isn't necessarily a good thing. It's fatal. Plus, learning from my parents' marriage, I know that spending my whole life with one person isn't going to be some fairy tale; the reality is that there will be so many arguments and so much mistrust because I've never trusted any of my past bfs. Of course, it's because I'm insecure with myself, which is an additional reason why I should never seriously get involved with someone. If I do get involved or married, it will be to secure my future...because I don't believe in love for myself. Lastly, I live for myself. That's something I have to remember. Not for my parents, not for my brother, and not for guys I like. I don't want to change because people want me to; I want to change because I have to in order not to hurt those I love, like my family and friends.
01:22
2011-08-12
♥ Double eyelids!
Something I forgot to mention yesterday. On Weds. for the first time ever (and only time apparently), I had double eyelids on both my eyes! Well, technically I do have double eyelids but they're hidden. There is a difference between that and monolids, trust me. Anyway, I was so excited that I put on eye makeup that I normally can't do, which is just using a eyeliner to line my eyelids. After I did it, I finally saw the reason why so many girls do that.
So I was really happy that day...unlike today.
T.T
Today I had my interview at MSK. It's for another position this time. Sigh. I don't think I did as well as I did the first time around. But it's okay. Since I know that I didn't do well this time. Last time I got angry and depressed because I thought I did well. But this time...Anyway, I got another interview on Monday with a dental practice just in case this didn't work out. That's all for now. I have a dinner date with Lara later on so I'm going to go do whatever I want before then.
뿅~
 |
| My double eyelids isn't as obvious as other people's but they're there. |
 |
| The prettiest pic I have of me. :3 |
So I was really happy that day...unlike today.
T.T
Today I had my interview at MSK. It's for another position this time. Sigh. I don't think I did as well as I did the first time around. But it's okay. Since I know that I didn't do well this time. Last time I got angry and depressed because I thought I did well. But this time...Anyway, I got another interview on Monday with a dental practice just in case this didn't work out. That's all for now. I have a dinner date with Lara later on so I'm going to go do whatever I want before then.
뿅~
12:35
2011-08-11
♥ [UPDATED] Becoming a college student...again
But for now...
How can seeing someone like your fb status make you smile so much? I must be a fool in----. :D
UPDATE#1
So I was supposed to update with either good news or bad news but unfortunately, I'm going to have to do that tomorrow.
Anyway, my Zoya order came in and I'm loving the colors I bought.
How can seeing someone like your fb status make you smile so much? I must be a fool in----. :D
UPDATE#1
So I was supposed to update with either good news or bad news but unfortunately, I'm going to have to do that tomorrow.
Anyway, my Zoya order came in and I'm loving the colors I bought.
 | |
| (left to right) Jana, Lily, Pandora |
 | ||
| Wearing Pandora right now! |
So that's that. Pandora look so lovely and it matches well with my complexion. It's not a color that will attract attention so I like it a lot. I can't wait to try out Jana. If it wasn't for my interview tomorrow, I would've worn it! The sad thing though is that I accidentally shook Pandora before I used it so I have bubbles inside my nail polish. I really hate that because that always happens to me. :(
READ MORE...--->
A few nights ago, I had a dream about Leyda. All I could remember was that I was learning how to saw or something. I don't know. Leyda took off his shirt and sawed something. Really, I have no idea where the sawing part came from but I'm not surprised since I have weird dreams all the time. But the thing is I've never seen Leyda without a shirt on so having a dream about it is...weird. He did have a nice body though. :)
Also, I now believe I'm a fool. I mean, I've known that for a long time. Yesterday, before I shut down my computer, I saw that he liked my status about signing up for paralegal courses (oops! forgot to mention that first!) and I just smiled. Like a dork. Gosh, I'm such a big fool. It's been almost 2 months. Usually, I will stop liking a guy fast because I don't see him much but I haven't seen the guy these past two months except for that one day and he brought along his gf so that should stop my feelings! But I still like him.
Sigh. Oh well.
On Wednesday, I went to Queens College to pay my fees for their paralegal program. Yes! I signed up for paralegal courses! Why did I decide to do that? Just in case my interview doesn't go well. It's more like a back up and I've always wondered about paralegals. Lolz. Since I don't have what it takes to be a lawyer, I'd rather just work as a paralegal. They get paid a good amount. It's no wonder too since I saw some of the things I'm going to have to study. Classes start Sept 17. I'm taking both weekend classes. So if I get a job M-F, I will be out every single damn day. Hurray...well, that's a good reason to buy a month's card though.
One thing I was thinking about one night was about giving up on love. If it can lead to a better life for me (career-wise), I'll be willing to give it up. Why? Because I forgot what it feels to love. I don't know what it is anymore and I don't want to wait any longer for it to come. I've had many failed crushes and relationships, it's a bit disheartening. When I thought about giving up love though, I started to cry. It is a bit sad. But since I don't know if it will lead to a better life, why give up, you know? But I am getting tired. Especially since I started liking Leyda. I mean, I'm ok with it but sometimes when I think about it I get sad. I'm okay but it's hard.
No matter what though. I have to do well tomorrow and for my paralegal classes. In a way, Leyda was part of the reason why I wanted to take those classes. He has such big ambitions and I guess that got to me. I want to dream big too. But the biggest I can go for now is getting a good job at MSK and completing my paralegal courses. I can go bigger but it's no use since it's taken. :) I think you should know what that means. I don't ever want to be the third wheel...or whatever they're called. Of course when you like someone, you want to be with them too. But I haven't gone crazy with that.
READ MORE...--->
A few nights ago, I had a dream about Leyda. All I could remember was that I was learning how to saw or something. I don't know. Leyda took off his shirt and sawed something. Really, I have no idea where the sawing part came from but I'm not surprised since I have weird dreams all the time. But the thing is I've never seen Leyda without a shirt on so having a dream about it is...weird. He did have a nice body though. :)
Also, I now believe I'm a fool. I mean, I've known that for a long time. Yesterday, before I shut down my computer, I saw that he liked my status about signing up for paralegal courses (oops! forgot to mention that first!) and I just smiled. Like a dork. Gosh, I'm such a big fool. It's been almost 2 months. Usually, I will stop liking a guy fast because I don't see him much but I haven't seen the guy these past two months except for that one day and he brought along his gf so that should stop my feelings! But I still like him.
Sigh. Oh well.
On Wednesday, I went to Queens College to pay my fees for their paralegal program. Yes! I signed up for paralegal courses! Why did I decide to do that? Just in case my interview doesn't go well. It's more like a back up and I've always wondered about paralegals. Lolz. Since I don't have what it takes to be a lawyer, I'd rather just work as a paralegal. They get paid a good amount. It's no wonder too since I saw some of the things I'm going to have to study. Classes start Sept 17. I'm taking both weekend classes. So if I get a job M-F, I will be out every single damn day. Hurray...well, that's a good reason to buy a month's card though.
One thing I was thinking about one night was about giving up on love. If it can lead to a better life for me (career-wise), I'll be willing to give it up. Why? Because I forgot what it feels to love. I don't know what it is anymore and I don't want to wait any longer for it to come. I've had many failed crushes and relationships, it's a bit disheartening. When I thought about giving up love though, I started to cry. It is a bit sad. But since I don't know if it will lead to a better life, why give up, you know? But I am getting tired. Especially since I started liking Leyda. I mean, I'm ok with it but sometimes when I think about it I get sad. I'm okay but it's hard.
No matter what though. I have to do well tomorrow and for my paralegal classes. In a way, Leyda was part of the reason why I wanted to take those classes. He has such big ambitions and I guess that got to me. I want to dream big too. But the biggest I can go for now is getting a good job at MSK and completing my paralegal courses. I can go bigger but it's no use since it's taken. :) I think you should know what that means. I don't ever want to be the third wheel...or whatever they're called. Of course when you like someone, you want to be with them too. But I haven't gone crazy with that.
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01:10
2011-08-06
♥ Miss Simple
Super Junior came out with their 5th album, "Mr. Simple", and I'm listening to it now. I'm up to their 4th song so far and I love it. But then again, that's what I expected. If SM is good for something, they're good for choosing songs. I'm never afraid that their groups might put out a bad single.
So these days, I've been applying to jobs again and I also applied for Queens College's Paralegal Studies program, which I'm hoping I'll be accepted to. I see a lot of paralegal job openings and I'm hoping one of them will like my resume. >.> It's going to cost about $5000 to finish the program in a year's time because I'm doing evenings and weekend since I wanna work in the daytime. I'm still interested in Bronx CC's lab tech program. Just won't submit my $70 application fee until like November. ><, READ MORE...--->
For some reason, I'm worried. Today, the HR guy from MSK whom I spoke with and met called me and asked if I was interested in another position. This time it's a data entry position. I was sooooooo psyched about it. I mean, I never thought I'll hear from them again. He didn't promise me an interview, since he has to speak with my cousin's friend's boss, but still, I'm just thankful they thought of me. He even mentioned how he has this opportunity for me because I mentioned to Sarah about overcoming my shyness (which I mentioned in a previous entry when I was in a rage). I'm not going to have high high hopes but there's still a bit of hope. :) He said he'll get back to me next week so let's hope there will be good news.
On top of that, Zoya came out with another promo. Buy 1 Zoya product, get 2 nail polishes free. That's what I did! I bought Jana (finally, right?!), Lily, and Pandora. I bought Pandora because it was in their Touch collection, which consists of 3 nude polishes. I need one for like the future...Lily is a light pink nail polish with a glitter finish and it's sheer. I've been into light colours recently because I got too many dark or bright coloured ones. I really need to tone down my nail polish collection. So I bought all three. :) So happy. I have now got a Zoya nail polish collection. ^^
The reason why I said I was worried was because when good things happen to me, something really bad follows. That's how it's been all my life. When I think I finally reached a turning point in my life, I fall again.
So that's all for now.
So these days, I've been applying to jobs again and I also applied for Queens College's Paralegal Studies program, which I'm hoping I'll be accepted to. I see a lot of paralegal job openings and I'm hoping one of them will like my resume. >.> It's going to cost about $5000 to finish the program in a year's time because I'm doing evenings and weekend since I wanna work in the daytime. I'm still interested in Bronx CC's lab tech program. Just won't submit my $70 application fee until like November. ><, READ MORE...--->
For some reason, I'm worried. Today, the HR guy from MSK whom I spoke with and met called me and asked if I was interested in another position. This time it's a data entry position. I was sooooooo psyched about it. I mean, I never thought I'll hear from them again. He didn't promise me an interview, since he has to speak with my cousin's friend's boss, but still, I'm just thankful they thought of me. He even mentioned how he has this opportunity for me because I mentioned to Sarah about overcoming my shyness (which I mentioned in a previous entry when I was in a rage). I'm not going to have high high hopes but there's still a bit of hope. :) He said he'll get back to me next week so let's hope there will be good news.
On top of that, Zoya came out with another promo. Buy 1 Zoya product, get 2 nail polishes free. That's what I did! I bought Jana (finally, right?!), Lily, and Pandora. I bought Pandora because it was in their Touch collection, which consists of 3 nude polishes. I need one for like the future...Lily is a light pink nail polish with a glitter finish and it's sheer. I've been into light colours recently because I got too many dark or bright coloured ones. I really need to tone down my nail polish collection. So I bought all three. :) So happy. I have now got a Zoya nail polish collection. ^^
The reason why I said I was worried was because when good things happen to me, something really bad follows. That's how it's been all my life. When I think I finally reached a turning point in my life, I fall again.
So that's all for now.
Labels: more
00:28
2011-08-02
♥ COACHCOACHCOACH!!
So I finally got my first Coach bag. I've been wanting one since...well, somewhere in college but I never got one because of the ridiculous prices. Coach had a "private" sale last week and I knew that if I didn't use that opportunity, I may never. So I bought one for $125 + tax + s/h = $148 or something like that.
READ MORE...--->
This is how it looks from the top. Inside there are two open pockets for like your phone or whatever on one side and on the other side, there's a zipped pocket. In the middle is like a zippered-pocket divider. My mom suggests to put important stuff in that pocket but ehh...it's too troublesome to keep zipping open and close just to get my wallet or something. As you can see, I already put all my stuff in this new bag. :) Of course I would that.
READ MORE...--->
That's me holding the bag. That's how my face looks without makeup.
This is the front of the bag. The front side has a lock pocket thing. I don't know what that's called but yeah.
This is how it looks from the top. Inside there are two open pockets for like your phone or whatever on one side and on the other side, there's a zipped pocket. In the middle is like a zippered-pocket divider. My mom suggests to put important stuff in that pocket but ehh...it's too troublesome to keep zipping open and close just to get my wallet or something. As you can see, I already put all my stuff in this new bag. :) Of course I would that.
This is the back of the bag. Another zipper pocket thing.
Here's the Coach tag. :P
So that's all the pics I have for the Coach bag. Today, I had an interview and I wasn't in the room for more than a minute before I left. Really. I didn't speak Spanish so...yeah. They needed someone who could speak Spanish. Either I didn't see it in the ad or they didn't write it in. Oh well. Anyway, I have plans now for getting a laboratory technologist license. Because I don't have a lot of their required courses, I'll need to take them and receive my AAAS in lab tech and then proceed to sit in for the licensure exam. Bronx CC is the only NAACLS approved program in NYC and I can get the ASCP certification. At least that's what I think the process is. I'm also thinking of getting certified as a paralegal. That will take place in...well, I'm not sure which school I'll choose. Most likely, I'll go to Queens College. I don't know. I just have those plans but I already applied to Bronx CC for their Spring 2012 semester. Let's hope we won't all die before I get to pursue my AAAS. :3 Hopefully I won't need to take all the courses since I've already done some of the core courses. I don't wanna pay for classes I've already taken. >.>
Oh yeah, after I came back from my failed interview, I was hot so I tied my hair into a messy bun. The result:
How did I do that? Don't know! Lolz. But I like it. And my long hair. :)
Oh yeah, after I came back from my failed interview, I was hot so I tied my hair into a messy bun. The result:
How did I do that? Don't know! Lolz. But I like it. And my long hair. :)
Labels: more
19:52
